How do I get myself a break?

I have a beautiful 14 month old boy who I have more than life. My husband was diagnosed with POTS only a couple months before we became pregnant. We were reassured by doctors that POTS is something that can be treated with medication so we became confident trying for a baby.

Even now my husbands POTS is so unpredictable and I’m really finding myself burning out always doing 99.9% of the parenting. My husband often doesn’t feel comfortable watching our son because he’s worried he’s going to pass out while holding him and endanger them both. I get the time to shower by myself maybe every couple days but that’s about it.

Last time I was able to go out by myself was maybe 6 weeks ago but even then my husband was texting and calling asking questions and seeing when I would be home.

I’ve asked if we can arrange babysitting services so I can have some guaranteed time to look after myself/work from home outside of naps and he’s said he’s going to work hard to make himself more reliable but he doesn’t want anyone else looking after our son.

My husband offered time today for me to go out but he has had a sore shoulder and the doctor just told him it’s sprained and he can’t do any lifting for another week at least so I’ve had to cancel plans.

I feel bad for so badly wanting some me time but I’m starting to feel crap about myself for not having time to look after myself/go to the gym etc. my sons been sick too so clinging to me like crazy and just feel like I can’t fully give him my all when I’m already feeling burnt out. I just don’t really know what to do I just feel like every time I think I’m going to have some time to look after myself it’s taken away.

We had couples therapy too and she had the same concerns but we haven’t found a resolution