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r/TheRedPill•
frequentlywrong

Dealing with anger

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Anger is slow poison for your mind. You can deal with small amounts, but every bit poisons you more. It makes you bitter, unproductive and all around antisocial. You can not suppress anger. Trying to will only poison you more.

We all have some anger inside us. Some more than others. A lot of us were born into shitty broken families. If that is the case you have anger towards your parents and family members. If you were bullied you are carrying around anger towards people who did it. A lot of members have anger towards women.

A man must be in control, which includes being in control of emotions. Maintaining frame is largely a matter of controlling your emotions.

So how do you control your anger? Three simple steps.

  1. Acknowledge it. No matter how illogical. Anger is an emotion and it is not logical. It is perfectly valid to be angry at your grandma for dying.

  2. Express it. You must get the anger out of your head. Expressing it to other people just tends to poison your relationship with them. So what you do is take a notebook. Call it your hatebook or something. Think of everyone who has ever made you angry in your entire life. Start with family members, friends, coworkers/classmates, random strangers, etc. For every person you thought of write: name - I resent you for .....

  3. Hide the book for obvious reasons. Instead of hiding your anger by trying to suppress it and poisoning your mind by doing so, now just literally hide your anger.

Now when you remember something that made you angry, you can just think yeah it's in my hatebook. No need to get emotional about it.

It sounds silly but trust me it works. It can be incredibly cathartic, especially the first time you do it.

Posted Apr 5, 2014, 7:42 AM UTC · edited

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_whistler•

Anger is not something to be hidden away; it's a fire that can either run wild or be controlled. As you say, don't suppress it; but neither must you be ashamed of it, hiding it away in the pages of a book like a secret confession of inadequacy. Let it burn, and control the way it burns. Express your anger in the moment.

What you must do is fashion your temperament in building your frame; forge your emotional core so that your anger only arises for a righteous cause, rather than allowing yourself to fly off the handle at unimportant matters as a woman or child does. A man must show emotional maturity, and have the wisdom of calculated emotional control. Once you achieve this, your anger and rage is a tool like all your other attributes.

If a man provokes your anger, don't do as the cowards do and bite your tongue for fear of physical or social retribution; speak out with power, or if necessary channel righteous anger through your body to take a stand for yourself. Make all those present aware of your self-worth, and make the offenders know you cannot be bullied.

If a woman provokes you to righteous anger, don't hold the words in your mouth. Give her a glimpse of the beast within, the brute you hold at bay with your own strength. Do not be abusive, do not be vindictive - be a man of strength and wrath, and let her remember it would be wise to treat you with the respect you are due.

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frequentlywrongOP•

When the person making you angry is your boss or parent, showing anger is not going to have a good outcome. If some incompetent clerk at a bank, dmv, or wherever is making you angry, getting angry will not help either.

Girlfriends are another matter entirely.

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_whistler•

As I said already:

forge your emotional core so that your anger only arises for a righteous cause, rather than allowing yourself to fly off the handle at unimportant matters as a woman or child does.

Don't get angry about unimportant shit. The subject of your wrath only matters with regard to how you show your anger, not whether you show it.

Your boss tells you to come in to work on your personal day? Quietly make him aware that this is bullshit, and decide your course of action. You are not your job; you can get another one if that's what you decide to do. Your parents...actually, I can't think of a legitimate reason (beyond very far-fetched scenarios like 'mom planted a bomb at the supermarket') that an adult man should get angry at his parents. If they're horrible people, don't associate with them; otherwise, sack up and be your own man in their company.

And don't get angry at the bank or DMV, I mean really? Incompetence is irritating, but most of the people working these places are working within a flawed system anyway; most are actually quite competent themselves. And even if you have an incompetent clerk, why would you waste your energy getting angry about it? If something is out of your control - like how long you wait at the DMV - anger is not an emotionally mature response. Stoically resign yourself to what comes, and take any steps available to you toward a better outcome next time.

Too many men equate "expressing anger" with "throwing a tantrum". Tantrums are for women and children. Men direct their anger to maximum effect.

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frequentlywrongOP•

Don't get angry about unimportant shit. The subject of your wrath only matters with regard to how you show your anger, not whether you show it.

There is only so much you can control with logic. Sometimes you just have a shitty day.

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_whistler•

That's true. We all have shitty days. But emotional stability isn't about logic in-the-moment, it's about who you have made yourself by consistently reinforcing your chosen frame. A shitty day for me now doesn't have the same effect as it did five years ago, because I've been consistently working on my mindset/frame/emotional stability for a long time.

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