Source
r/OkCupid•
functionoftime

need input regarding a recent interaction, female opinions valued especially

so i don't usually get too bent out of shape about these things, i realize that online dating is like speed dating on steroids, people tend to get very flaky and lose interest as quickly as interest is formed, i keep this in mind and i tend to do well regardless...

BUT

recently i had a long exchange with a chick via okcupid's messaging system. lots of back and forth, she seemed interesting and cool. i suggested i take her out and managed to get her number and transition to texts.

so we're texting, continuing the back and forth we were having, she's haha'ing at my stupid jokes and plastering her texts with emoticons. she mentions that she's never actually met anyone off of okupid despite having a profile up for a while (longer than one year). so i make a stupid joke to the tune of telling her to "get with the times" and stop being so amish about it in a totally jokey way. she simply replies "no", i try to expand on the joke a little bit and she totally goes cold and stops replying.

was what i said so horrible? did i scare her away? or is she just the super uptight type? normally i'd just eat this as a loss and move on but we had such a protracted back and forth that i'm at a bit of a loss, similar interactions in the past have always ended in a date for me.

i'm thinking of sending her one last message asking her when we're meeting up but i don't want to give her the satisfaction.

Posted Jun 14, 2014, 6:12 PM UTC

021
RansackeryF/MO - deactivated•

Move along. She has been on the site for a year and not met anyone? She's never going to met anyone from OKC. Don't waste your time.

14
bonkroodlady / 35 / Value: 53 camels (±5)•

It took me a few years before I met somebody. Now I meet willy nilly on a whim.

1
Teawouldbelovely•

Nothing to do with you. A lot of people on these sites just don't meet people; they're there for online and text buddies. Oh and attention for people to tell them they look good, like and wink at them.

6
functionoftimeOP•

honestly i'd be okay with just having a text buddy, i already sort of made one from a different site, she's super cool and i drunk text her all the time and we have a blast.

but to totally go cold shoulder over something like this...well i don't know what to say.

and i was barely giving her "that" kind of attention anyway, chicks have to wade through dozens of "you're cute :3" messages, even the most attention starved ones get bored with it eventually. we were actually having INTERESTING conversation.

-1
imnotwillferrell•

post her phone number to craigslist. it's the only mature way to get revenge

3
[deleted]•

My sister acts like this sometimes. I don't like it (months and months sometimes of exchanging messages, skyping etc before meeting). But she does meet up eventually and then has some LDRs. If you want my advice, ask her if and when she'd like to meet up. Even suggest a time to do so. Who cares if you "give her the satisfaction"? C'mon! Unless it really would hurt your own self-respect, why give a toss? You'll forget her in a month if she doesn't reply in a week (give her a week or so to reply...or a few days...up to you). My 2 cents.

3
unbang25/F/Chi city bb~*~*•

I feel like you answered your own question within your post but I'll humor you and respond anyway.

I don't think you said anything that was highly inappropriate. Text does, however, lack conversational tone and context so if she couldn't tell you were joking, maybe she got offended. That's a pretty ridiculous thing to get upset about, so even if she did get scared by this comment -- is that someone you want to date (assuming you're not just looking to fuck and go)?

Maybe she had a bad experience with some Amish people growing up and you triggered a panic attack within her. Who knows?

3
OKCupid_Adventure40/M/IL deactivated because girlfriend; keyboard warrior•

WARNING: Trigger Word: Amish

2
unbang25/F/Chi city bb~*~*•

My bad, I hope you can forgive me.

1
elcapitansmirk33/Mmmmm/Los Angeles•

She's getting ready for Rumspringa, and you just missed out, man.

2
FairyPortrait33/f/philly•

The deal breaker here is that you don't share a sense of humor. That's a major deal breaker. Move on.

2
pillowwwws26/f/country bumpkin•

Or you could, y'know, apologize for offending her.

-2†
functionoftimeOP•

apologize? REALLY?

if that stupid joke warrants an apology i think i'll steer clear of her, we definitely won't mesh well.

-1†
pillowwwws26/f/country bumpkin•

The thing with texting new people is that neither of you actually knows the subtle subtexts of each other's humor that comes with interacting face to face. There's tons of space for misundertandings. An apology doesn't need to be a big ordeal, but it does tell her you're willing to consider her feelings over your own ego. That's a pretty important relationship skill.

4
functionoftimeOP•

i think i'm going to pass. an apology and we haven't even met face to face? come on. swallowing your ego is essential to maintaining a relationship yes but in this context there is no real relationship to speak of. apologizing just reeks of desperation really. i'm not even totally sure i offended her either maybe she just got bored with me :/

-3†
[deleted]•

[deleted]

4†