TIFU by making my dad believe he had an STD

My parents have been divorced for a few years and my dad is just starting to get his "mojo" back.

By "mojo" I mean my dad has been acting like a college frat boy on spring break for the past few months...complete with many one night stands.

Fast forward to today: My dad comes to me frantic (because I work in a Pharmacy and that automatically means I know everything about STD's) claiming that a "nice girl" he met the night before must have given him something.

Naturally I ask what happenend, and he begins a tale not fit for a daughter to hear..."DAD, I don't need to know the play by play, what's wrong now?"

To which he responds that all day when he goes to the bathroom, "it burns". He further explains that when he drunkenly came home last night, he sat down to pee ("not because he's a pussy, because he could barely stand, let alone aim") and his junk burned.

I said, okay...that could've been caused by a number of things, was that the only time?

He says no. When he woke up, still half out of it, he sat down for his morning poop and it burned again. (I know, I'm so lucky to know these things right?)

And by this time he's super worried. I told him I'd make an appointment at the clinic, for him just to monitor the symptoms throughout the day.

Fast Forward to 30 min ago when I'm watching tv and hear:

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, STOPITJECA!"

He comes out and proceeds to lecture me that while he appreciates me cleaning the house and especially the bathroom, the bleach ball I placed to freshen the toilet goes IN THE BACK. Not the front of the bowl.

TL;DR: misplaced toilet bowl freshener burns dad's dick.

EDIT: quotes for clarification. As someone without choice when I pee, I should clarify that was his comment to me, not my opinion on the subject. :)

EDIT 2: Holy crap this blew up! Thanks guys! A lot of comments are about how he burned himself (is he hung?) etc. and the truth is it's a small toilet and he tends to lean forward to read/text etc. He said he was just sitting really close to the front...and yes. Like a fucking stallion. (so gross)

EDIT 3: THE FRONT PAGE, ARE YOU SERIOUS! As a first time poster, you guys fucking rock! Thanks for the awesome comments! Totally made my morning waking up to these.