Source
r/relationships•
zetapi

[UPDATE]Me [30F] with my fiance [31 M] of 6 years "broke up" last night. WTF is going on?

Updates

Original link here: http://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/20fxo1/me_30f_with_my_fiance_31_m_of_6_years_broke_up/

I moved out and in with my aunt in her spare room. The upside here is that she has been extremely supportive, helped me get my drivers license, and sort out some of my financial situation. She also happens to live in a very upscale town and I happened to get in good with the very wealthy locals right off the bat. I've spent the last 3 months of summer literally hanging out on yachts and galas with millionaires, which was an unexpected fairy tale. Honestly, you couldn't ask for a better outcome for a break up.

Unfortunately I got ANOTHER shitty job that just HAPPENED to be right by the apartment building we used to manage and he let me park there. I had to drive in and since it was down town there was no parking and so it was very convenient that he let me do so. At first this was just a necesity thing, but before long things got stupid and I - I'll admit, it was manipulation on my part... I was afraid he was going to stop letting me park there. I'm ashamed that I did this for a fucking parking spot, but I slept with him. Just to give him the sense there was a reason to continue letting me... I was sure this wouldn't spiral out of control because I was having so much fun without him. I couldn't've been more wrong.

I guess a big part of me just needed to hear it all said out loud. I wanted him to take some responsibility for why everything went south. I wanted some kind of peace. After sleeping together again for about a month I started dating my best friends brother. Things have been going extremely well. The only problem was that I had started seeing Cody again... Finally I told Cody that I was moving out of the county to go to school and be with the new guy and he broke down and scheduled a couples counseling appointment.

We just got back from our 2nd appointment and the therapist told us that there is no realistic way to proceed with a healthy relationship. On one hand I feel like I've been stabbed. I feel sick. I feel like I have failed where I didn't believe it was possible. I am angry with myself for being unable to forgive him and I am angry with him for not being the man I believed he would become. I feel like I have failed and been failed. On the other hand I feel relieved. My relationship with my new friend is going extremely well and I feel that I have now been freed from the shackles of this relationship.

I needed to hear it out loud and said to a 3rd party. I needed to hear Cody tell someone his side of the story. I needed the validation of knowing that it's not in my head. He treated me poorly. So poorly it is unfortunately unforgivable. I am sorrowful. I feel like I'm not only mourning the death of all my hopes and dreams and plans for the future, the death of my life with him and all the positive things we shared together, but I am mourning the premature death of our unborn child once again for now I know that they will never get a chance to be... It just kills me. I wanted that baby so bad. I really wanted to have a baby with him. Him specifically. But, I don't trust him to be supportive or stick around anymore. So, I am being forced to let my dream die.

I guess I'll have to dream up new dreams now.

tl;dr: We decided to get counseling as a last resort. The counselor just told us there is no realistic way for us to proceed with a healthy relationship. We are at once crushed and relieved. Thanks for all the support, Reddit. I'm not sure I could've done this without you.

Posted Aug 13, 2014, 11:22 PM UTC

128
[deleted]•

Seriously, lady, I think you may be bi polar and have some serious personal issues. Reading your last post and this one, a few things are very apparent:

  • You refuse to take any responsibility.

  • You tie your happiness to another person.

  • You live in some kind of mental fantasy land - where your boyfriend is going to become a good person out of the blue (he won't), excellent workers get fired from jobs they are qualified to do for no reason (they don't), getting a job next to your ex boyfriend is a good idea (it isn't), and couples therapy is applicable to people that aren't even couples (it's not).

Your story makes so little sense I would be shocked if this is even so much as a bad representation of half of it.

48
tipsycow•

Don't diagnose people over the Internet!

Bipolar requires discrete periods of mania or depression (or combined mixed episodes). Without asking the OP about these specific traits, you can't know if she is bipolar or just making unwise decisions because of residual feelings for her ex.

12
SlimCharles704•

Can you tell the rest of Reddit this? The original post certainly had a ton of people diagnosing the boyfriend as this or that.

6
lolwut_noway•

The point is she's crazy. She's fucking crazy.

EDIT: I'M NOT A DOCTOR OP DON'T TAKE THIS AS A DIAGNOSIS

3
[deleted]•

None of your bullet points have anything to do specifically with bipolar.

9
ccoastmike•

Brutally honest opinion.

You shouldn't be in any relationship right now. Not with your ex and not with your best friends brother. It sounds like you have some serious ongoing emotional troubles (no judgement...we've all got skeletons in our closet) and you need to work these out with a counselor before you start any other relationships.

Being alone sounds scary but take a year off from sex/dating/relationships. Have weekly counseling appointments instead and just focus on self improvement.

35
zetapiOP•

You're probably completely right. In fact, I know you're right. The truth is that I do really like him a lot. But, the relationship is primarily out of necessity. I know that sounds terrible. It is terrible. I know. But, I'm out of options. I've discussed this with him at length. He understands the situation fully and I've been completely honest with him. We are truly going into this with eyes wide open. Also, I am getting counseling and am attending Al-Anon meetings regularly with him.

-2
ccoastmike•

The kind of emotional growth and healing you need is going to be very difficult while in a relationship.

I wish you the best of luck.

8