Feeling low after visit
I'm LC with NM and, consequently, ED - phone calls ~once a month, physical visits every few months for only a day or two at a time. I went to visit them and my sister this weekend to announce my 2nd pregnancy. Though baby was planned and we are very happy, N's gonna N and I wasn't looking forward to this announcement.
I don't like the way normal/"healthy" people treat pregnant women, so Nfam had been warned that any future pregnancies would be announced at a late date. They've been really positive about the idea of another baayyybeeee but I was braced for negativity concerning the pregnancy timing/finances/whatever. That was about the only thing they didn't deliver. I was fussed at for the "late" announcement, for not telling them the name (it's a weird name that we love, and not yet set in stone, so why hand them bats to beat me with?) and for some childbirth-related choices they don't like. I really know what I want this time and don't want any room for misunderstanding.
The fussing wasn't even that bad, as my NM has been medicated for a few years now and is a mere shadow of the monster of my youth, but even her sulking triggers me. And my sister, who has taken on the GC role since I moved away and did NC and LC, is so entrenched now I can't take it. I felt all weekend like I was being held down so they could put horse blinders on me. My happy real life seemed so far away and impossible to consider as reality.
My husband doesn't get it. He has only known medicatedNM. He just sees a spoiled child and not a shriveled monster. He supports me and understands that all this upsets me a lot, but he thinks I am overly paranoid concerning the family and expect the worst ... when I'm just expecting what they have shown me with past actions they're capable of.
I feel totally vindicated in waiting (especially until after the sex screen, oh my goodness) to tell them. Their actions make me feel so awful, even though logically I know NM is greatly improved and that my hormones likely have something to do with my feelings. I don't feel like it warrants NC and I'm sure I will feel better after a day or two of my normal LC. But I was planning on announcing on social media immediately after, and now I don't even want to do that. I was hoping to spend today with my ACoN friend, but my son is ill and I don't want to infect her family. So I'm here :( I did all the healthy things, policed my boundaries and did not back down from my wants/needs, but I feel crappy and needed to detox with people who really get it.
EDIT: NM has followed up my visit with a text saying "Are you sad today?" what does it even mmeeeaaaannnnn.
Posted Sep 8, 2014, 1:41 PM UTC · edited
Best wishes!
Have you gone to therapy yet? I'm sure your family is awful - mine is as well - but it seems like you're carrying more burden about this than is necessary. Therapy can help a lot!
As for the names, we didn't want to tell the N-family the names either. So we went around telling people that if it was a girl, we were going to name her Renee Johanna, and if it was a boy, Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy is a famous adult movie star. It's also a perfectly wonderful name - and we threw in the Renee Johanna, "RJ", to make it sound like we didn't know Ron Jeremy but were attached to the initials. It was so fun to watch them squirm. Tell us? Or not?
I haven't done therapy. I went to one session in college after a break up, cried a lot, felt like I wasn't able to properly articulate what was bothering me and where it was coming from, and didn't go back after some scheduling problems. I have done a lot of work on my own to mitigate Fleas and avoid conflict or triggers but not a lot on learning how to deal with triggers when they happen.
We are switching to a better-quality insurance next year in anticipation of the birth, and my deductible will consequently be paid, so we are planning to do various health things we've been putting off. Therapy might be one to add to the list.
Something just happened to make me think NM found this post, but could be a coincidence. Having a small freakout though :( Wish I was with my friend and not at home.