Cat unhappy in new home, seeking advice. Please help!
Hey guys this is my first time posting to this subreddit.
Here's the deal. My girlfriend just moved into a two bedroom apartment with a female friend, both she and her roommate have a male neutered cat. Girlfriend's cat is named Ted. He's sweet, lovable and VERY friendly. He is getting along just fine in the new environment.
Roommate's cat, Tom, on the other hand is extremely unhappy. When they first moved in, the roommate decided to keep Tom exclusively in her bedroom for a couple weeks so that he could get used to the smell of another cat from outside the door, plus she’s got the bigger room (it’s actually HUGE).
Tom was extremely unhappy and stressed from the get go. Neither my girlfriend or I can go near him without him hissing and trying to scratch and bite us. When we did finally introduce the two cats they just stared at each other for a while and then started hissing. We try lightening up the mood with Tom with prey on a string toys, soothing voices etc. but he is still just as agitated as ever.
We try letting him out into the apartment and just ignoring him so that he can do his thing, we lock Ted in my girlfriends room so that Tom can do whatever he wants and not feel intimidated. Even then he growls, hisses and attacks. It’s only a slightly better when the roommate is around. The two cats have met each other a handful of times, each time they just stare at each other. or hiss. I had never seen Ted hiss until he met Tom.
Anyway I feel terrible for Tom. The roommate is not the most attentive owner but she does take alright care of him although he does not have a scratching post which leads him to tear up the carpet… My girlfriend just wants everyone to live peacefully together. Any suggestions Reddit? How can we make Tom happier?
Posted Sep 12, 2014, 4:44 PM UTC
I was thinking about trying Feliway, does anyone have any experience with this stuff?
Feliway works, but it should be treated as an additional tool to help smooth things over and not a crutch. Tom and Ted may just need more time separated to get used to each other's smell.
Try keeping them separated in different rooms as much as possible, as long as there is still attempted biting. You can use food as a reward, and encourage them to eat or take treats on the opposite sides of a closed door (boiled chicken is especially desirable for most cats). You may also want to try letting Ted in Tom's room and Tom in Ted's room (while still keeping them separate) and also by keeping an item with the other cat's scent in each room.
Anyway, the big thing about introducing cats is that it will take some time, and you definitely shouldn't get your hopes up too high. Even with two successfully introduced cats, there may still be some hissing for the first few weeks.
Remember, from Tom's point of view, Ted is an interloper with whom he does not want to have to share his home. You guys and the roomie have to convince Tom that Ted (and the two of you as well!) are worth tolerating via bribery with food, play, and cuddles!
This - time. My mom adopted two cats two years ago. I was just able to pet one of them at Christmas this year. He hid for about 8 months. He lived behind the washer and dryer for 6 months. He's okay now with the family but he just took so long to get used to us. The other cat is a belly flopping love machine.
I am introducing a new cat now, it's been two months and I still keep them separated when I'm not home and when I sleep because my resident cat is a total jerk to the new cat. It's getting better but veeeeerrrryyyy slowly.
I use it. I honestly don't know if it helps but it makes me feel better.
I just know that it's supposed to have a calming effect on cats... This cat could definitely benefit from that. He is so stressed out and unhappy all the time.
I feel like if we could calm him down long enough to show him that we mean him no harm then in time through positive reinforcement he'll get better.