Source
r/Parenting•
Tomji

4year old boy that peed his bed and seems to be ashamed about it, is it OK if he lies about it?

Overall I think it's best to not make him ashamed of it, but I do tell him to ensure he always should go pee before bed - and he doesn't all the time. So every 2-3months there is an accident. But the last time he wet his bed he kind of lies about it and says "it's just water" and a raindrop came down from his ceiling. I thought it was cute and like I said I don't want to embarrass him further, at the same time I dont want to establish that lying is OK either.

Should I just let this lie slide?

Posted Dec 16, 2014, 2:05 AM UTC

266
turtlehanaSpecial Needs & Child Care 10yrs+•

When he lies just say "it's okay to have accidents, let's get it cleaned up".

29
studentofsmith•

This sounds right, don't even acknowledge the lie, just proceed normally.

After all, lying isn't really bad. As adults we lie all the time to avoid embarrassment or spare someone's feelings. It's all a matter of context. Your son just needs to learn when lying is appropriate and when it's best to tell the truth. Seeing his lies have absolutely no effect will teach him that in this case it's a wasted effort.

13
in_the_airoplane•

After all, lying isn't really bad.

I think it is bad if it derives from the child feeling too uncomfortable/ashamed to confess to the parent. A parent can use this as an opportunity to show the kid that he won't be made to feel embarrassed by his mistakes; instead, that the parent will make the situation better so long as they know the truth.

Tangentially related, my mom had a brilliant policy while we were growing up--if we really screwed up (and she didn't know about it), we could ask her for amnesty. This meant we wouldn't get in trouble/judged/punished. We seldom used it, but knowing that we could come to her and she'd help us fix the issue was such a vouch of trust in us. It made it so we didn't want to screw up, but we'd be comfortable letting her know when we did.

From a parent's perspective, this is pretty brilliant--kids are going to screw up. Better to know about it from their mouth and help them through it if they're honest enough to admit their mistakes.

7
studentofsmith•

Good point. And your mom sounds like a smart woman.

1
NursingInPublicBoobies are for babies!•

Any time my 5 year old has had accidents, which come in cycles like every few nights for a week or two then none for a long time. Anyways, I have always explained straight out that it's OK and sometimes accidents happen. I will never be upset with him about it or tell anyone he doesn't want to know. But I do need him to let me know so we can get it all washed up.

I treat it like it's not a big deal at all andnow he doesn't get upset or embarrassed any more. Now he gets up and changes his clothes and everything on his own.

6
avicia•

and, FYI...some kids have accidents who restrict fluids in the evening and DO pee before bed. So he may feel it's his fault when you frame it that way. ("I should have remembered to pee. I shouldn't have had a glass of water.") We secrete a hormone at night that tells our bladders to make less urine while we are sleeping. Not everyone does this so well. If your child doesn't it takes a while before they can learn to wake in the night and go then. I sleep all the way through, but my mom and sister have had to pee in the middle of the night their whole lives - and wet the bed until they learned how. There can be other physical, emotional and sleep issue causes, but they are coming to think that this hormone is more involved than we suspected. (and notice - deep sleepers have a harder time learning to wake to pee...) My kids would have accidents when they were running fevers - I think it made them sleep more deeply.

3
cafe_bustelo•

Bed wetting is almost never behavioral. It is biological. Some kids develop this ability later. Some have accidents two and three times longer.

I would explain this to him and let him know it is not his fault. I would keep it a secret from others and not drink water late etc but I would work hard at alleviating any blame he may carry.

0