Source
r/weddingplanning•
Sweetsop

Tell me what to do about my [dress].

This might be a long post. For that I apologize.

Some background:

I was never the girl to fantasize about my wedding day. Nothing wrong at all with the girls who have, but it just isn't who I am. If it were up to me, my guy and I would just go up to the courthouse and be done with it.

But we both have (bigger) families that are looking forward to a wedding. So initially we compromised and said we'd have a small ceremony. But somehow that small ceremony has ballooned into something bigger. We've got 150+ people right now on the guest list which is way more than we ever wanted. I'm not sure how many will actually show up. Which I'll have to deal with it once we send out RSVPs and get them back.

Flash forward to this past Saturday:

Up until this point, I have been naively living in a denial bubble that has said we can still have a "small" wedding feel even if we have a lot of people. This means: buffet type food and platters from different local restaurants, potentially having a friend doing the music, paper flowers and a simple dress.

I met my father for lunch and we have a conversation about wedding planning. He's offering to pay for a little over half the wedding, so naturally he gets some/a lot of say. A lot is said and it's apparent that the simple wedding I want isn't going to happen. He threw around a variation of the phrase "you don't want it to look cheap" at least three times.

On top of that I've been having conversations with my sister and she's been saying I need to have a more "traditional" wedding because it will make my side of the family more at ease about me getting married at all.

(Which is another angry rant entirely. I've been with my guy 4 years and he's honestly the most amazing guy and he makes me a better person. But my side of the family thinks I'm not living up to the pedestal they put me on/their opinion of my potential.)

Now, my dad isn't a bad guy and he didn't mean it to sound as bad as it did to me. I know he cares, and he just wants my wedding to be successful. I'm his eldest and this is the first wedding he's had to plan/deal with. But now everything is upside down and I have to start planning a different, less simple wedding. We'll have to get catering and a bartender and a professional music person of some sort and real flowers. And I just don't know about my dress any more.

I love it, but it fits more with what I originally wanted, not with what this wedding is gonna be. My fiancé says I could still wear it, and I'm sure he's right. But I just feel like it doesn't fit and my side of the family will get snooty about it.

So do I get a new dress that's more "traditional"/fancy or do I stick with what I have?

TL;DR: I have one dress but it's more simple than the wedding that my family wants. Do I keep it or get another that fits the new wedding?

Posted Jan 27, 2015, 4:49 AM UTC

814
grimmauld12June 6, 2015 | Atlanta | Enchanted Forest•

Keep it, or get a more "traditional" dress for the ceremony, and change into this for the reception. Plus it's on sale!

8
SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

I've already bought the dress (it was on sale then too. p: ).

But that's a good idea! I had thought about doing it that way. I just wasn't too sure. Or... We're having an afternoon wedding then potentially doing dinner somewhere with just close family, maybe I could wear it then and do the "traditional" dress for the ceremony?

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grimmauld12June 6, 2015 | Atlanta | Enchanted Forest•

That's an option too! I think that'll satisfy both ends of the deal. It's super cute!

2
SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

Thank you very much! :}

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mbm837710*3*15 / Alpaca Farm, NJ•

That dress is adorable! If you want to snazz it up, consider a jeweled belt and the veil will help as well, even if you're opting for bird cage.

Don't let them take everything away from you. It's your day.

My mom was very concerned we got print your own invites. She was sure people were going to think "cheap" because there wouldn't be raised ink on them. I said no one will care and if they don't I don't need them there.

I love the idea of things from different restaurants. Are they places around town? Places you guys went on dates? I feel like you could totally make that into a theme and get what you want. A journey through your love sort of thing.

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SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

I hadn't thought about the jazzing it up option. That would definitely be doable!

I'm sorry to hear that about your mom. But that's a good attitude to take! I would think that people wouldn't care so much about how the invite looked, just as long as they were invited.

That's not a bad idea, by making it a theme. They would be local places. Though I think I'll go with an actual caterer and still keep the ice cream store we were planning on having caterer. That way I feel like I still have more control. Plus, who doesn't like ice cream?

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mbm837710*3*15 / Alpaca Farm, NJ•

Mom came around so it's all good :)

I think short dresses are very modern these days and with a little added sparkle it will fit the day. If you love it, stick with it :)

Ooh ice cream catered? Yes. Definitely go that route :D

2
SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

Plus it gets so hot where I live, especially in August, that I don't want a long, heavy gown. Even if I were to go shopping again, I'd gravitate toward the shorter and tea length dress. Personally, they just look cuter to me.

I'm definitely gonna do ice cream. Was thinking we could have an ice cream hour if we take pictures after the ceremony, rather than a cocktail hour. Since we're having an early afternoon wedding it just seems more appropriate to me. Not that we won't have alcohol for guests, but I'm not sure if everyone is into afternoon drinking. P:

1
hawpsPhiladelphia October 3, 2015•

I don't think you need to get a new one, but there are a lot of nice simple options out there if you start feeling like you should. J. Crew has a lot of pretty but simple and elegant gowns for reasonable prices. You can also find a lot at BHLDN, especially in their sale section or if you go with a bridesmaids dress.

I know how you feel about the small wedding you wanted turning into something big. We wanted to get married at my dad's beach house with our immediate families, but we ended up doing the whole thing and we have 125 ish to be invited. But we are making efforts to keep an intimate feel: we booked a small venue, the venue has long banquet tables so we're pushing them together end to end to make it more "family style", we are having pro catering but we're serving fish tacos and build your own quesadillas, a friend (who is a pro dj but still) is djing, and another good friend is playing guitar during the ceremony. Our wedding will still feel casual, fun, & intimate but no one can accuse us of not still having all of the traditional elements! I hope you can find a balance that works for you!

2
SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

That's great advice! Thank you! I'm thinking I'll stick to my dress now, since the support here and support from my guy seem to be saying it'll be okay. But I'll check out the other places you suggested!

I'm so glad you were able to keep your wedding with the feel that you wanted! I'm sure we'll find a balance that works for us too, I'm just still in a panic mode because this was such a recent thing. I know by the time the wedding rolls around, I'll just happy to have family and friends there and be married to my guy.

3
hawpsPhiladelphia October 3, 2015•

I recently went through a pretty similar dress dilemma. I bought the Lucca Maxi at bhldn. I started freaking out that it was more formal than what I originally wanted, as I really wanted something like this Anthro dress for a casual beach wedding. I was also freaking out about the color of the more formal gown (which is still pretty chill, really) and not feeling bridal enough since it's kind of a purple color.

This sub talked me off the ledge about my gown, but I decided to get the Anthro dress I wanted and will be wearing it for the rehearsal dinner. If you do end up rethinking your current dress, you can always wear it to another wedding event!!

3
SweetsopOPAugust 22, 2015 - Florida•

I couldn't see the second dress, but I'm sure it's lovely. The first dress was pretty too!

That's what I love about this sub, everyone is always so nice and supportive!

I'm thinking I'll stick with my dress right now, but it definitely isn't a bad idea to consider it for another wedding related event if I changed my mind again. Thank you for the advice!

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hawpsPhiladelphia October 3, 2015•

Here's the 2nd dress: Icepleat Maxi

To dress it up a bit, I'm wearing it with the Opaline Sash from bhldn.

I personally think it would be super cute for a no fuss beach wedding! Alas, I am not having one haha. But it will work for our rehearsal dinner at a super cool bowling alley!

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