A concrete tip for staying away from porn - Consider talking to your spouse or partner about your porn addiction

This post is part of an ongoing series of posts about staying away from porn

Consider talking to your spouse or partner about your porn addiction

The addiction recovery community has a saying: "We are as sick as our secrets". Secrecy breeds isolation, and isolation is one of the most powerful tools available to your addiction.

In almost all cases, a porn addict who is in a long-term committed relationship should open up to their partner about their porn addiction. Reasonable people could disagree, however, on the optimal timing for doing so. Should you make your revelations right away? Some would say yes, claiming that a life partner can be an invaluable confidante and ally in an addict's recovery, Others would say that it is best to wait until the addict has a degree of confidence in their recovery, and can assure their partner that they are serious about their recovery, and well along the road to success. The optimal timing may very well be different for different couples.

Regardless of your timing, there are a few guidelines that you should follow:

• Emphasize to your partner that your porn addiction is in no way their fault. As porn addicts, we do not act out because we are somehow dissatisfied with our partners. Our porn problems do not spring from a lack of real-life sexual satisfaction, or a lack of sexual attraction to our partners. Communicating these facts should be your top priority when discussing your porn addiction.

• Do not promise to never relapse, promise to never give up. Unfortunately, addicts sometimes relapse. Your partner needs to understand that. But you need to proactively make the one promise that you can legitimately make: that if you do relapse, you will pick yourself up and continue on your road to recovery. You need to make the promise that no matter what, you will never give up.

• Once you do confide in your partner, be open with them from then on. Do not hide your struggles, do not hide your slips, and do not attempt to minimize the impact of your actions. Your partner can be an important ally in your recovery, but only to the extent that you are open and honest with them.