ROCD Info

Hello everyone,

This post will serve as a living database and FAQ for dealing with ROCD. Feel free to comment below with any information you think we should add in here. Additionally, I am also human, if any incorrect or misinformation creeps in, let me know so I can correct it.

 

Who or what this subreddit is for

This subreddit is intended for a number of purposes.

• 1. Discussing relationship issues for those who have (or suspect they have) ROCD and/or their significant others.
• 2. Discussing relationships regarding someone with OCD (because we can relate, so we welcome you too.)
• 3. Sharing and discussing ROCD and OCD relationship related general information found out there.

 

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DISCLAIMER: We are not medical professionals, and Reddit is no substitute for a medical professional. Be careful with assuming you have ROCD or any form of OCD without talking to a professional first. Many of the symptoms of OCD are actually normal behaviors. It is only a disorder when it becomes a problem for day to day life.

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What is ROCD?

Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. in short, it is OCD with a focus on Relationships and/or partners. depending on severity, this can be triggered by relationship changes (marriage, breakup, divorce, newborn child) or even day to day during routines.

 

What is OCD?

Obsessive Compulsive disorder. A condition where a person experiences recurring upsetting thoughts or behaviors. OCD can be broken down into 2 main components, Obsessions and Compulsions.

 

What are Obsessions?

Involuntary thoughts, doubts, images, or urges. These manifest in the form of fears and impulses that feel automatic and are frequent, upsetting, and distressing. They are difficult to control and get rid of and often times are inconsistent with your actual life values. ROCD is often manifested in obsessive doubts and preoccupations regarding the romantic relationship and/or with the flaws of the partner. Irrational urges can often also manifest. This is often followed by shame and/or depression at having the thoughts, doubts, or urges which may feel right but also don't necessarily make logical sense.

 

What are some examples of ROCD obsessions and urges?

• self doubt ("How do I know I REALLY love them?")
• doubting your future ("Will I be happy with this person tomorrow?")
• questioning your decisions ("What if I'm with the wrong person?")
• Feelings say one thing, Logic another (“I love him/her, but I can’t stop questioning my feelings about us”)
• Guilt / shame ("I feel (any amount of) attraction to someone else, Does that mean I don't love my partner anymore? How do I know if I should move on?")
• perceived flaws ("I love them the way they are, but something feels wrong with my partner. I need to fix it.")
• urge to run away ("If I leave now, they will be happier without me.")

 

What are Compulsions?

Compulsions are observable and mental actions that attempt to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsessions. Examples include over analyzing, seeking reassurance, checking, counting, repetitive actions, arranging, ordering, over preparing, and rituals which attempt to lessen the chance of provoking an obsession. Compulsions generally make OCD worse, even though the sufferer feels like they have to do them. Although sometimes short-term relief can be felt, the compulsions become an exhausting process and put the sufferer in a constant loop and battle with the obsessions.

 

What are some examples of ROCD compulsions?

• Overestimation of thoughts and occurrences leading to a perceived bias of feelings from your partner. ("they haven't called me in hours, they must not love me anymore.")
• Checking ("Why am I with them?")
• Counting ("We've had 9 arguments in the last 3 months even though I cant remember what we fought about.")
• perfectionist tendencies ("Even though this is the best relationship I've ever had, I can still find XYZ relationship problems (of any degree) that must be fixed. Is this relationship for me?").
• Striving for "just right" experiences which lead to preoccupation of the "rightness" of things ("Even though we're having a good time, I don't feel right, so they must not be the one").
• Comparing partner to others ("Did I settle for them? what If they were taller? would I be happier?")
• Fear of Regret ("What if they are the ONE? What if I never find someone like them again?")
• Anticipated regret ("I will drive them crazy. they will never love me. it will be a lie.")

 

Where can I get more information about ROCD?
http://rocd.net/what-is-rocd/
http://rocd.net/relationship-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-a-conceptual-framework/

 

Where can I find some interesting discussions about ROCD?

[TODO]
 

Where can I get more information about OCD in general?

[Great Intro Video](http://www.ocdaction.org.uk//ocd-in-brief http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/resource/what-obsessive-compulsive-disorder)
list of common thinking errors in OCD
[TODO]

 

What books can I find on OCD or ROCD?

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Compulsions/dp/1608828786 - has a section on ROCD
[TODO]

 

Other resources to help deal with ROCD

http://conscious-transitions.com/
[TODO]

 

What sort of help should I get to manage ROCD?

IOCDF.org to find an OCD specialist in your area for professional treatment

 

What are some ways people manage ROCD?
What strategies work for you to help handle an ROCD episode?
[TODO]