Relapsing, the struggle and fear

My flair is a big lie. I have not even been able to stop PMOing for even A DAY. I always come back to it, and the worst is whenever I'm in my bed about to go to sleep or waking up. The thoughts, feelings, etc. become overwhelming and I keep giving in. I felt lost, and I felt too guilty to come on to the subreddit and change my flair because I was too scared to face the fact that I am being defeated by my own mind and body. But I have to become stronger. Emotionally and physically I am at a stand still in my life. I feel that the only way to change myself is to get rid of my addiction that not anyone knows about except me and this subreddit. Sometimes I pass by the addiction clinic at my college and I wonder what type of ridicule I may receive if I were to go up and ask them for help with my addiction. I feel that a lot of people perceive this addiction as not a big deal, or that I may be sick minded to always think about sex, porn and masturbation.

Thanks for listening guys. My new journey starts right now. I have be stronger than I have ever been to beat this addiction.