Source
r/swoleacceptance•
test_alpha

Brodin, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Fellow brothren, on days when I choose to pray in the supine manner and decide to go for low rep maximums, it seems only right to ask a fellow disciple to spot me.

Time and again I ask to only be guided when it has become clear that I can't find the path on my own, but time and again these men prejudge the state of my struggle and intervene before the battle is lost. Of course they claim to have "barely touched the bar," and yet I know deep down that I can't claim these PRs.

I know these poor people believe they are helping, perhaps led astray by Broki. So I pray for them instead of cursing them, but I feel shame and embarrassment that I have been prevented from getting as close to Brodin as I am able to.

Posted Mar 12, 2015, 11:54 AM UTC

385
TheFakeTomTelesco•

I tell them to only touch the bar if I tell them to and at no other time. It must be consensual or else it is gains-rape... and if one of you prefers cardio, it's statutory.

25
test_alphaOP•

Oh my god, that's what it is. I didn't want to admit it to myself. I needed somebody to tell me. I've been gains raped. I had been lying to myself and trying to convince myself that, because I didn't scream "no" when they touched my bar, that it was consentual.

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Sir_Saxobeat•

Brother fear not! These are neither curlbros nor gainz goblins. They mean you no ill will. They are simply uninitiated. Just as some less devout Christians only attend mass during Christmas and Easter. So do these followers only pray at the Iron Temple after New Years and before Spring Break.

It is our duty as followers to help those who stray from the Swoley Path. Simply quote unto them a passage from the Swoley Book. I favor a passage from The Gainz According to Arnold, set 1, rep 9:

(9)And Arnold said unto the curlbros: "I need the strength of thine spirit to assist in my prayer. Though I may falter, trust that the Swoley Father will not let me fail. I may struggle, and I may stall, but I shall triumph. (10) Should I need thee to assist me in this burden, I shall cry out to thee!
'Mine spotter!' I shall gasp
'I falter! I am in need of your assistance!'
(11) Then and only then, will I need ye to help me along mine path to Swole. (12) but should thee handle mine bar before I ask of you, I shall mark thee as a gainz goblin and shoo thee as such

Wheymen

9
Sweegosaurus•

My Brother, have no fear. Brodin places all gym bros in our path for a reason, and perhaps the time has not come for you to come into the power of Iron glory. However, with Brodin, there is always a whey, and your time of gainz and glory shall come.

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taythescotsman•

Brother, I have witnessed a manner by which thou canst bench press safely using much weight or in attempting a personal record without the ill-suited hands of an uninitiated poor-spotter. This method doth require some willingness to mayhap annoy others praying in the Iron Temple if they have need of the Squat Rack, however how many of the masses do you witness supplicating to Brodin properly by actually worshipping in the Squat Rack? If your place of worship is at all like mine, far too few, too few indeed.

The method is as follows, and I have found it to be the most safe of any for bench press (even if thou findeth a proper spotter, no spotter can be of absolute perfection): get thee a mobile bench, place thine bench into the Squat Rack, set the safety pins so that when pressing, thine barbell can sink low all the way unto your chest so long as you have the proper back arch, however if in your pursuit of Brodin's swoleness you sadly fail a rep, thou needn't fear death, for simply releasing thine arch will allow for safe return of the heavy barbell onto the safety pins. Then it is possible to slide out from under the barbell, rest in mental prayer to Brodin, and commence your next attempt!

A video depicting this method can be witnessed here.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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