New VXa Project: Louis (2015)
Posted Apr 1, 2015, 8:08 AM UTC
86
Hey. I watched the video and I really like what I see. The only comment I have is that you'll want to edit some of your grammar. You have multiple sentences that need commas. At the beginning of the video, your character says "you think I might laugh or what?". There should be a comma after "laugh". Then "yeah actually". There should be a comma after "yeah". Two others that come to mind are when you begin a sentence with the word "Like". There should be a comma after the word. I wish you well when completing your game :D.
3
Not sure if you notice what day it is, but in any case its on purpose. Dialogue is written how its spoken, not how it appears in print. The character's speech pattern in that instance is supposed to be like an angry housewife. They're having an argument, so they are talking faster. You'll also notice I have many pauses and comma splices in the 2nd act. Because its emphasizing certain words the way Louis CK would.
Sorry to ruin the illusion but this game isn't real. Its a parody of "Louie".
Edit: Also lol @ Chiruno's comment.
6
Oh, apologies for the confusion. My other comments still apply, though.
3
You forgot to mention the comma after "The fool took the bait" I think.
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Yeah, I didn't get them all. I was mostly drawing his attention to the pattern.
2
I decided to cancel work on Prelude of Identities and switch gears to a new project: Louis. It's a historical re-imagining of the life of France's final monarch, King Louis XVI.
Louis will feature the same gameplay mechanics as recent "cinematic" games such as Telltale's The Walking Dead, Life is Strange, and every David Cage game ever made. In other words, it'll have almost no meaningful gameplay features.
I feel this new direction is what I need to do in order to make a bare minimum game and still receive critical acclaim. The kickstarter begins this afternoon.