At what point in planning did you tell your wedding party that they are in your wedding party?

Some people say tell them asap, that if you want them to stand with you that you will still want them there when your wedding rolls around, but I've seen enough horror stories of people asking their wedding party asap and relationships changing and people growing apart or growing closer to other people and wishing they had waited, that I'd suggest doing it when you're a year away. The problem here is you might be a year away, you might be closer to 2 years away.

I'd suggest picking your venue, having the date set in stone, and if you pick the earlier date, ask now! If you pick the later date, I'd say want until the fall and ask then. It just leaves less chance of your relationships changing and growing and wishing you had done it differently.

Don't ask them until you know your date, at the very least. They need to be able to make a informed decision and you don't want to have them have to drop out if they say yes and you go with a different date and they have something they have to do (even this far out)

Your way of asking sounds pretty adorable, by the way.

I would suggest finalizing your date first. If you don't know when your wedding is going to be, how will they be able to give you a yes or no, as they may not know whether or not they'll be available?

We asked people yo stand with us 1-2 months out. We aren't coordinating attire so that wouldn't work for everyone.

I told my international wedding party types on facebook before we set a date, just to give them a heads up as I'd really love for them to be in the country for it. I phoned up my other wedding party members a little bit after which tied in with general letting them know I'm tying the knot. Not sure if my partner has told his side.

When should we tell them?

I think the sooner the better? That way people can figure out logistics, and it's not a sudden surprise once they've got a bit more post Christmas cash flow.

Can we tell them together?

Why not?! Sounds like a nice reason for a get together! And it will give people who haven't met each other a chance to say hi. Just bear in mind maybe not everyone will be able to make it, and figure out how you'll let them know.

We told our people as soon as we chose them. Mostly they're long term friendships so we weren't worried about wishing we'd chosen someone else as the date got closer.

I think your brunch idea sounds awesome! That would be so much fun.

Bahahah I've been engaged for.... oh.... 46 hours and I have already asked 3 people to be in our wedding.

To be fair, they are all people I have known for AT LEAST 16 years. I'm also not a "bridesmaid proposal" kind of gal. We basically got home from our trip and I jumped on my sister (who lives with us) and our other roommate and was like WILL YOU BE IN OUR WEDDING YIPPEEEE. And then I went out for a drink with my other long-time dear friend and asked her too.

Maybe it was my first wedding planing error, we'll see!

We asked our wedding party at our engagement party (1.5 months in). This was a week after we set a venue and a date. It's pretty much as early as possible with some actual information to give them so they can start planning. I actually asked my MOH as soon an I got engaged because I was so excited.

I asked pretty dang early; we got engaged in January of 2013 and I probably had my girls nailed down by the end of that summer even though we're not getting married until September of this year. I think FI did something similar. Certainly by the end of 2013 we had our bridal party set. However, I didn't ask my MOH to be my MOH until literally last night. Up until this point she thought she was a regular bridesmaid and that I was going to ask a high school friend to be my MOH. Over the course of our engagement I realized how much closer I was to my now-MOH and then had to work up the courage to promote her! Happily, she accepted :)

Here's my two cents -

When should we tell them?

agreed with u/shar_blue - finalize your date first. And I always suggest folks ask about 8 months before. Things change, people move, friendships fall out, you gain new friends that you grow close with, etc. It's hard to believe when you are talking about yourself, but it's true. I would solidify your date, and then wait until about 8-10 months before. Still enough time to get their attire, and help you with the things you want them to do.

Can we tell them together?

I like the idea, but I would ask individually. If you ask together, there is a lot of pressure to say yes - I wouldn't want to be that one person who says no, or feels like I have to say yes and act very excited, even if I may be in a financial situation for instance. I would ask them one-on-one - maybe you can do the box idea with them individually?

I'm asking in person, which is a little difficult for me! We are getting married May 2016, and I have only asked one (his sister). Two are cousins, one I will see mid-May this year and ask, one who is out of the country and I will see late summer/early fall. My fourth bridesmaid is a friend, and I see her daily, but I feel honor bound to ask all the family first.

He, on the other hand, has already asked his sister's (almost) husband, his best man, and one other friend and has one left to ask. His boys all live within 45 minutes of him though, so it's a little easier to catch them! He's also having his stag weekend earlier than mine- his sister is getting married in Vegas this fall and all his friends are coming so they're going to have their boys night (except for sisters fiancé of course).