I heard it was Protagonist's birthday or something. So hello, old friend, and congrats. Your gift is on the way.

No problem. It says it pays for itself in 4-5 haircuts, so I guess at some point you send me a check or something. We'll work out the details.

Anyway, I don't know what the difference is between a birthday and a cake day. You must be 6 years old if you're going around eating cake on days other than your birthday. Did you graduate cub scouts? Or wait, maybe Fantastic Sams gives cakes to people the first time they get a haircut in the big boy chair?

Whatever it is, congrats.