Some light entertainment for your evening.

The door to the tavern swings wide as the disheveled form of a gnome stumbles through, dripping wet and smelling of low tide. Staring at the floorboards, he wordlessly makes his way to the hearth. In the light of the fire the regulars recognize the man as a local bard of mild renown. The gnome shivers dramatically by the fire, only the faintest grin exposing this as an act. Feeling enough eyes upon him, the figure draws himself to his full height and throws his arms wide.

“Friends! I come to you this chill evening with a new tale of bravery, virtue, and bold heroes overcoming injustice! For you see…

There once was a man from Waterdeep,

His wife’s chatter prevented good sleep,

A fine thing his Mandy,

And drunk I was randy,

With her mouth full she made not a peep!

.

When suddenly he woke with a shock,

I fled but was foiled by the lock,

Fury in his eyes,

My pants round my thighs,

He dragged me down towards the dock,

.

On the pier I finally grew brash,

Lifting my pants we began to clash,

To rage he was lost,

And so I was tossed,

Even the lords must have heard that splash,

.

So it came that I look such a fright,

To my condition this should shed light,

But never you fear,

Because I do hear,

She wants to see me tomorrow night!”

. In a fluid motion the bard strikes a dramatic bow and throws his hat to the floor. The hat, to its credit, lands with a sickening splat, opening spread wide and hungry for coin.