Failed first attempt but trying again once I feel closure

I'm a 21-year-old female college student. I posted here before planning my first attempt that failed because my best friend stopped me and took my alcohol and pills away. It's been about a month since.

I'm planning my second attempt and will hopefully succeed soon once I've figured out another way to go out.

I already have my note from before, but I just don't know what to do as I sit here and wait for the right time to go.

I've lost basically all of my friends. I even feel my best friend who's known everything slipping away, and I know that the time has come for me to leave him alone finally.

I won't bother boring anyone again with what all life events and circumstances have pushed me to this point in my life.

I want it all to stop hurting and finally be in peace. But I also want to feel closure before I go, which I don't feel right now.

This is my only option, as any professional help is out of the question. (Counseling center at university turned me away. Not able to tell family to use parents' health insurance.)

I also now feel I'm beyond help, so anyone who knows me will be better off once I'm gone.

I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time reading this.