The Things I'll Do for Diabolical Sabotage

The Things I'll Do For Diabolical Sabotage Part 3

So now, here's the good part: I was completely oblivious about the "feelers" that were being sent my way on the subject of gastric bypass surgery. I actually had good grades in school, but I can be a walking blonde joke sometimes.

My aunt brought the topic up, and somehow, (I wasn't really paying much attention, I was making sure to enjoy my BBQ ribs since there was no escaping them and I was going to count the points anyways) my mom chimed up that her friend Mrs. P had it and then gained all the weight back, blah, blah, blah. My aunt looked at me and asked if I knew anyone else who'd had it - and I do! My best friend! (Who we're going out with tonight to the Sharknado 2 RiffTrax event, BTW) had to have the bypass surgery years ago, because she has a degenerative disease and physical disabilities that are so severe, she's mostly in a wheelchair if we go anywhere (sometimes on a good day she can use her cane for short distances) and she can't physically exercise... so insurance covered it, and she was only in her late 20's. And sadly, years later, due to more awful health problems and medications for them, she also has gained back the weight.

Then a little while later, my mother brings up that my Aunt looks great... and we hear that my aunt has been on (drumroll) Weight Watchers! And she'd hit goal and is on maintenance. She goes to meetings though, not online here. But HELLO. Now that finally went ding-ding-ding even in my peroxide-pixiated skull. That was when my antennae picked up the signal, this was what they'd been all plotting and scheming about back on the dock when we'd gone on the boat! OH SNAP!

But my aunt's weight loss isn't anything to do with mine; I don't go to WW meetings. I'm in my happy geeky internet cyberworld. I don't see either of them joining me for a rousing dungeon crawl in World of Warcraft, so why would I mention this? If they hoped to provoke a reaction, or a confession, as Bugs once said, "He don't know me very well, do he?" my own weight loss journey is nothing I'm going to open up to public commentary especially not from the Gremlins. It was nothing for me to just listen pleasantly, be genuinely happy for my aunt's success, and completely not have any other emotional reaction... or share my private business in any way. Good that she got to goal, but I have a year or more to go myself, and she's never had the experience of needing to lose over 100 pounds for her journey.

Now, just so you all know, readers, I shared this story with my girlfriend as soon as I was home from the shore, and she clued me in about hem feeling me out about the gastric bypass. It hadn't occurred to me: all weekend, the different foods they were pushing on me? I told you guys about the sushi, the sticky buns with nuts, the brownies, the cookies, the party food being so different than norm, but there was also a takeout lunch from a cheesesteak/pizza place, steamed clams with butter, the extra spicy buffalo dip my nephew begged that I test-taste in front of my mother, and booze, booze, booze all weekend.... it was all a test. A Gremlin-Engineered Diabolical Sabotage Let's See If Sageleaf Had Gastric Bypass Surgery TEST. IF I'd had gastric bypass surgery, say back in March or April, I'd've been sick from eating all those things. You hafta rebuild your body's ability to digest, and you start out with broths and liquids then move up to solids - but alcohol and food in any quantity so recently post-op is very dangerous, it can actually make you throw up or become very, very painfully sick.

Sabotage! Diabolical Sabotage! By GREMLINS.

So here's what happened, behind the scenes. My little WW cell phone app was my secret friend all weekend. I tracked every molecule I put in my mouth. I was bad, but consciously so. I never lsot control, I never BROKE my diet - came home, cut back on my points for 4 days, worked my tail off activity points wise...and overcompensated so much to make up for things, I lost 4 pounds this week.

!!!VICTORY!!!!