Does anybody else constantly feel fooled by themselves and continuously let down?

So, I don't really know how to explain myself here, but I want to try.

I just wanted to know if anybody else on here relates to this specific feeling. See, when I am hypomanic, I am ultra productive. I am so on top of it. I have goals, dreams, ambition. I have excitement for the flavors of life. I feel as if a new page in my life has begun. It feels...well...incredible. Typical, right? But what I am having a difficult time dealing with is my stupid brain fooling itself all the time.

Every time I get into this "badass" mode of motivated and determined, for some reason, I tell myself that THIS is the new permanent me. THIS time it will all stick. The high energy, the productivity, all of it. Lately I have been heavily into cooking, and I was totally on it. I mean, I was constantly researching recipes, creating detailed and thorough "goal" spreadsheets for an entire month's worth of cooking plans and grocery lists, and cooking nonstop.

I was running around the house, deep cleaning it, and also learning how to code in Javascript, because in my mind it will answer all my problems (My reasoning being I could maybe be a freelance programmer someday and get back to work finally?). I feel super ecstatic, as if THIS mode will never end. THIS is the new me. Sure, there is something deep in the back of my mind that it is telling me this is only temporary, but no matter how many times I cycle, my brain just gets super optimistic, as if I just cannot fathom going back to feeling depressed. Like, somehow I cracked the code and am no longer bipolar.

Then days like yesterday and today happen. I wake up. No energy. I just feel angry about everything. No interest in anything again. Cooking? Ugh. Who wants to deal with that? Cleaning? Oh my god, kill me now. Coding? Fuck that. I'll never get good at it anyways. Plus, I can't focus anyways. I keep on fighting the urge to cry all day. I just hate myself. I went on a walk outside, at my husband's urging. That didn't help. I feel so bummed out that it didn't stick. Nothing is interesting to me. The whole world is dark. I have just been mind-numbingly browsing facebook and reddit all day. I feel so frustrated in myself that I couldn't make the superwoman side of me last long. I feel disappointed in myself. :(

And what is crazy, is that eventually I will go back to that "badass" mode again. And I just know that I will feel it is permanent again. And no matter how many times I try to tell myself that it's only going to be temporary, so don't get too optimistic, I'll ignore it and continue to fool myself. Then let myself down. I'm sick of this cycling through disappointment and excitement. Between pessimism and optimism :( I don't know. I probably didn't even explain myself well. I'm not the best expressor of thoughts. I just can't handle it. I don't know how to tell my future hypomanic self that she needs to stop feeling so blindly optimistic and excited. How do I tell her that it WON'T be permanent? That it's NOT the new her. I compare it to alcohol. Sure, when you are sober, you can tell yourself that you won't act like an idiot when you are drunk, but when you start getting drunk, your frame of mind changes and you cannot help but be that idiot you thought you wouldn't be when you were sober. Ack. I don't know...