some of the hardest days of life

Sunday was a day where depression hit me pretty hard. I had my roomate take all my meds as I am prone to just take them all, but that began the roughest 18 hrs of my life.

racing thoughts. suicidal thoughts. feeling empty and alone. feeling like pure shit. feeling like you are going to be backstabbed. remembering all of the things that happened on other subreddits. being stuck with your thoughts. it is not fun.

3 calls to the crisis helpline later, nothing. still just going absolutely insane. roommate wouldn't talk to me, which made me feel even more unloved. it became dark and consuming. I couldn't even go for a run or anything.

DAE? and since this happens more than I would like to remember , what in the world, barring hospitalization (I can't go back. they don't care, and the docs just want to shove meds up your gullet and the therapists don't want to talk to you), can I do when this type of depression hits again?