At a loss of what to do with my [22 F] bf [22 M] of almost 3 years.

Sorry for the wall of text but here it goes - any and all advice is appreciated.

So I've been dating this guy for the past three years. Our relationship started as two strangers talking/getting to know each other and quickly developed into a committed relationship. The relationship has been like a rollercoaster ride ever since. I have to preface and go into a little bit of background as to why it rides like a rollercoaster.

I grew up in a pretty emotionally and physically abusive household. He grew up in a much stabler home although not every family is without their own issues. Anyways, the way I watched my mom treat my dad like nothing and watched the way they treated each other when they got angry and frustrated kind of got ingrained into how I deal with situations. Any time the littlest thing comes up in my relationship with bf, I get angry and go through every single moment that ever made me angry; as a result, I just get to a boiling point. I know that this is my issue and that's something I have to fix. Now the bf will also admit that a lot of times, I am justified in my anger. For example, I've asked him time and time again to plan things or to take initiative and at the end of the day, it's almost always me doing all the planning and that really drives me nuts. I've told him at least 50 times that I can't deal with being the one who has to plan and micromanage our relationship all the time and time and time again he promises to change... yet everything stays the same.

Now I can't go into every detail of every fight we've ever had (that would take a series of Harry Potter books to even begin to cover) but I'm sick of fighting every week. Part of me wants to say that I'm addicted to it because it a bullshit way it gives me the comfort of releasing all my anger and frustrations. And then the rational human part of me knows that normal couples don't fight nearly as often as we do and definitely not at the level we go to. Now I must almost admit that I am the one who starts all the fights (baring maybe a couple in the last three years from him). I feel messed up in the head, I want to get help to learn how to treat people better and be able to deal with situations like this better. It never gets like this with my friends or sister.

Two days ago, we got into another argument (over something that's a pretty big deal) and I just couldn't deal with the fact that he wouldn't take my advice. I believed that he wasn't taking enough measures to protect himself and didn't get why he wouldn't listen to what I was saying. He was saying that he's really stressed at his new job and that nothing in his life is going right. After hanging up 2 nights ago and me saying "fine I guess we'll never talk again," I reached out to him yesterday and we talked. At the end we're both sobbing and he says he's ready to let me go. In the beginning of our relationship, every time we got in a fight, I would just say that maybe we should break up and let go. I stopped that for a long while but in the past 3 months or so I've picked up that habit again. I don't know what possesses me to be a jackass and say that whenever we fight. But bf said he couldn't keep me around anymore because his promises are empty and he can't do anything right. I finally lost it and for the second time in our relationship, I told him I wanted to stay with him and couldn't imagine life without him. I'm not sure if my last statement is me speaking from the heart or me too afraid to let go. We are best friends, we're both good people who have lots in common. But we're also very different people in some ways. It's worked well for us minus the Type A planning in my and he's more Type B relaxed and doesn't like conflicts. We ended the night on staying together and decided to discuss this tomorrow. We told each other we loved each other and hung up. And as a added bonus, we also live across the country from each other so at most, we'll see each other once a month for at least the next year, probably closer to 1.5-2 years.

I'm just wondering what you guys think I should do, what he should do at this point. Can anyone who's been in this situation give insight? I feel lost and unsure of whether this can be worked through or not... Is it even worth sorting out and how do we go about sorting it out?

Thanks to everyone to read this blob of a mess.

tl;dr: Boyfriend and I are at a crossroads in our relationship. Can we survive and sort it out or is it time to take a break or let go? If it's still savable what can we do to ensure the fighting ends?