I fucked up. What now? Advice please.
I got out of rehab about a month ago. While there I really wanted to stay clean and put my life back together. They advised that I go into a halfway house or sober living, so I found one and moved in. I liked it. My roommates are awesome guys and the place had a decent amount of accountability. I got a job and was hitting meetings everyday and working the steps with my sponsor. I was happy. But right after getting my 60 day chip I was obsessing like a motherfucker. My job involves working a lot of hours with a good chance of making lots of money. Naturally I convinced myself I would be better at it high. I got high and worked all weekend, and on Monday I missed the curfew at my sober living house because I was out getting high. My roommates came and got me, I tossed out all the dope I had, and the next morning I admitted to the house manager that I had fucked up. So now I'm home for three days until Friday, when I come back and take a piss test. Except there's one problem - before work today I went ahead and scored a half g. I wasn't even really in control but I guess I made the decision
Anyways I'm debating a few different things. Owning up to getting high this most recent time, calling my sponsor, and moving into a new sober living. Or do whatever I can to pass the piss test on Friday so I can stay at the place I like, and go back to working a program. Or start calling my friends and see if any of then will let me crash on their couch until the 20th, when I get paid and can probably afford my own place. I know whatever I do should be what helps keep me sober, as I was truly happier sober. Now I feel disappointed and embarrassed though, and it's easier to go back out - After all I still have a good job and could surely convince some friends of mine that I'll be okay, just need a place to rest my head...
What would you do?
Posted Aug 12, 2015, 4:55 PM UTC