John Gardner Exercise in Describing a Simple Event in Five Different Styles

I would like some constructive feedback:

Goal: Take a simple event (man gets off bus, trips, gets up and looks in embarassment, and sees a woman smiling.) and describe the event, using the same characters and setting, with five different ways (change of style, change of tone, change of sentence structure, voice, psychic distance). Make sure the styles are radically different

Event I will use: This event.

(1) The man walked off the bus. He continued to walk toward the bench. But he tripped over a small banana peel. He slid and fell straight on his back. He struggled to get up, and he looked around, wondering what the others would say of him. Then he turned around he saw a young woman smiling at him.

(2) I was traveling across the country in a large bus, and as the bus called to halt, I stepped down, step by step, outside into the great unknown of the bustling and buzzy city world. The people buzzed and thronged in this picturesque city with tall buildings and short buildings, hot-dog stands and ancient delicatessens, austere churches and lavish cathedrals, restaurants and drive-ins. I looked and took in all the glorious spectacle of the city around me, but as I continued to walk, I failed to notice under me a golden banana peel left there by a mooching parasite. I slipped and almost skidded and fell on my back. I struggled to rise, for the pain was intense and it throbbed constantly on my calves and rear. Finally I was up, and I was flustered and abashed. Then, as I turned around me, I saw the face of a pretty young girl, of around twenty years of age, smile at me. She was blond, pale, and blue-eyed, and her smile was catching toward me, and I smiled back to her.

(3) The man was traveling across the country in the large bus. The bus slowly halted, and the man walked down step by step until he was off the bus. As he got down, he took some time to gaze through this wonderfully picturesque city which he came across. The people buzzed and thronged in this picturesque city with tall buildings and short buildings, hot-dog stands and ancient delicatessens, austere churches and lavish cathedrals, restaurants and drive-ins. The man, who had never been to a city before in his life, was amazed at the bustling energy, the vibrant enthusiasm that marked the city. He was in a trancelike mood, almost swaying in his enjoyment of the city. He felt transported to another world, a world unlike the meager and mediocre world he used to live in. He walked through the city, lingering over each step to gaze over a certain sight, but he failed to notice the golden banana peel. He stepped over it, and he skidded and fell on his back. He struggled to rise, for the pain was intense and it throbbed constantly on his calves and rear. He was up, and he was flustered and abashed. Then, as he turned around me, he saw the face of a pretty blond girl smile at him. Her smile catched toward him, and he smiled back.

(4) The blond woman was strolling through the bustling city.

Wonderful day isn’t it? she thought. She sat down on a small bench. She saw a yellow bus bustling through. A man walked out.

Isn’t he adorable? she thought. The man was gazing in awe at the sights around him. As the man was walking through, he slipped down. He struggled to get up, but he was eventually up.

Bet he needs some help, thought the woman.

She walked up toward him, and as the man was looking in embarrassment, she smiled at him.

(5)

The bus stopped across a stop sign. A man walked out and when he was outside the bus he was inside the city. People walking. Buildings rising and falling. The peppy smells of delicious foods cooking and simmering.

Beautiful day, isn’t it.

The sounds of vehicles rumbling and roaring. Bike bells ringing.

The man continued to walk until he fell over on a banana peel. He struggled to get up, but after some struggling he was up.

Embarrassment. Shame. Dizziness. Oh man I’m too old to slip over a banana peel, dammit.

He turned around. He saw the smile of a woman. And he smiled back.