I've been ready to go out for my friends birthday party since about 7:30pm. It's now past midnight and I'm still at home.
I haven't been out partying much recently, I've been out with my husband and our friends but they don't go to clubs or pubs much for this sort of thing.
I was going to go out for my own friends celebrations today, which he arranged for 8pm at our local rock/punk pub. The place is about 20 minutes walk away and I had no problem with waiting for them to get ready and let me know when they were heading out. I said as much and was told I would hear from them soon.
My husband left in the evening to go to our mutual said friends house to chill whilst I waited for the text. I've messaged my friends a couple of times and was told again that they weren't ready yet but they'd message when they were on the way soon.
I put on my make up, tried my new dress on and got back into comfortable clothing so I could change when I was ready to leave.
I just took my make up off and have not messaged my friend again. Not sure what to say exactly, its his night after all. Except this isn't the first time- my best friends and my birthdays are 4 days apart a few months ago and we decided we'd celebrate together. We planned for half 8 and the same people (including my best friend ) showed up at 22:50). I had been sitting in our venue for the entire time alone. No message, no nothing.
I haven't been the most social person, have just not been in the mindset to go out partying much, so I get that maybe I got a bit difficult to see. But I was invited to the event on Facebook a couple of weeks ago and said pretty much straight away that I'd definitely be there. I was looking forward to seeing people and have fun with them. Now I'm just confused and laying in bed expecting a message to say they'll be on their way.
I wouldn't have minded if they'd said earlier that they'd be a while but I haven't heard from them at all. Again, I feel silly because it is my friends party and he has people at their house for pre-drinks. I just don't really feel like going out clubbing after midnight.
Not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, I just wanted to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this sort of thing. What did you do?
EDIT:
Got a message at about half 1 saying they were out at the club and am I "around". Not sure my friend realises that the group of friends he had with him are also the only friends I see aside from the mutual friends with my husband. Pretty sure he knows.
Had I gone out without them I would have spent the entire evening alone and then probably gone home by the time they got there. Felt a little bit used and my evening was definitely wasted but I will be OK.
Posted Aug 29, 2015, 11:04 PM UTC · edited
Would you happen to identify with being an introvert?
I've had this feeling before. On a Meyers Briggs test I'm about as introvert as the test allows for. That gives me some insight, since all I do with my quiet time is think. :-)
Plans were made for a large group, who was drinking.
Rule #1 - Never trust the people drinking to remember you, especially when you're not there. Drunk people in a group tend to be very self focused and in the moment. If you're not there then you don't really exist at that moment.
Rule #2 - To be extroverted you have to act extroverted. In other words, if you want to join in activities with others it requires the same action that the other people took to join in the festivities. The time was set, the event was happening when it should have. Your hubby, who is likely the more social person (or closer to the birthday person) had the foresight to get up and leave and be included. You could have been ready and gone with.
Rule 3 - To get attention you have to go looking for it. Your post comes off in a way that feels like you're looking to be wanted by the group. You need them to contact you to get you to come to a pre-arranged gathering that your hubby went to. Trying to get attention when acting as an outlier doesn't work. Get in there, be a unique little snowflake and make them want you. That way you'll be missed when you're not around.
Rule 4 - Get used to the feeling if you're an introvert who isn't willing to work on the above. Your last little bit shows that you're self aware that the feeling is silly to have when you kind of kept yourself from going out. Nothing wrong with that, and not something to beat yourself up over at all. Just something to work on if you want to be "part of the group".
Happens to me frequently. Introversion for me is something very comfortable, and abit convenient for me. I have several neurological pain disorders that have left me disabled. I deal with your situation in the extreme at least once a year when my wife wants to go on a vacation with her parent(s). They're elderly and I encourage her to spend time with them whenever she can. But, because of my medications that I'm not able to take out of Canada and could get me in legal troubles in other countries if I did or sourced them locally I end up staying at home for 7 to 10 days, no car, no drivers license anymore, and only my two feet, animals and a bus stop closeby in a rural area.
They've gone to a few places in the southern States, Mexico, and Oregon. I've stayed behind. My wife will call me everyday for the first half of the trip and then get too busy laying in the sun or exploring something. And then for months afterward, every week when we all meet up as a family, I get to relive their tales ad nauseum. The last time I just shut down, made them their supper with a smile on my face and went completely silent. Had fun explaining to the wife what it feels like to be at home anytime there is anything interesting going on and how shitty it feels to not be included. :-/
All we can really do is get involved when and where we can. But we can't expect other people to come and grab our hands from miles away and drag us out. That's on you and me to work on.
I wouldn't say I was introverted as such - I love socialising and enjoy having good time with people and I feel almost equally happy to spend some time on my own but I need to have plans. Last night my plans were to wait and I therefore didn't do anything that I would normally do like reading/art/craft. But I prefer to have others around me. Not sure where that puts me haha.
Not sure if I phrased it weirdly but the group of people I was going to see wasn't the same as the friends my husband went to see. He just went out because he had plans with our mutual friends but he did say if it didn't work out with mine to go over. Only issue is I was sat waiting for a message and didn't know when it was going to come so I couldn't go.
You are right, I should be more proactive though, because whilst not introverted I am not very assertive and I do just kinda fall into a rut of wanting to go out but feeling like "what's the point?"
Thank you for your advice, I'll try to keep to it.
Sounds good
-JM