It's just a feeling, it'll pass

From what people say, the feeling of sadness is just that, a feeling. And that given time it will pass. I don't believe that. Experience has taught me that happiness is fleeting but depression is forever.

I know I do it to myself. Depression is a complex, multi-faceted illness. Biopsychosocial causes all reinforce and aggravate each other into a self-sustaining loop of hopelessness. I can't even remember the last time I felt honestly happy. And even if I did I couldn't enjoy it. Because it would just be a moment of air while drowning in self-hatred. The best I do is just okay.

Does it matter if feelings aren't reality? If you have nerve damage and constantly feel pain, do you tell that patient that it's just a feeling? Pain is its own reality. I've attempted suicide before and I only regret not succeeding. Me being this way is a burden on my family and friends. They might want me alive, but both our lives would be better off if I weren't suffering anymore. And I can only see one guaranteed way of stopping the pain. Any suggesting treatment is ultimately a guess. But death would finally bring an end to it all. The pleasures of life really aren't worth living with depression.

I don't know why I post here. My friends are tired of hearing me complain. I'm tired of it. I wish I could ignore myself too.