I'm just so fucking tired.

If I knew that I went from existing to not existing, not dealing with this "afterlife" crap, I would have already killed myself. Uncertainty is the only reason I'm still here.

I haven't done half the things I wanted to do in my life. I'm up for a promoting at a job where I cry almost everyday and have panic attacks constantly. I'm overweight and I'll never lose it. I'll never be the perfect girlfriend because he deserves so much better. I'm in my mid-20s and I don't have anything accomplished. Fucked up college, fucked up my finances, fucked up my life. Living paycheck to paycheck, barely having food in my house.

I wanna find another job before I quit my current one, but I feel so trapped. Geico won't fucking hire me because of my credit and I'm too ashamed to go back into retail.

All I want to do is just give my boyfriend a heads up and break up with him... but he hasn't had a good night of sleep for a week and I feel like not waking him up would be the best thing I've ever done in this relationship.

I haven't been on my meds or seen my therapist in over a year. I know I would be in a better position if I were, but they're just so expensive and my insurance doesn't cover copays for the visits. And I just feel so defeated having to take medicine to be normal.

The more I type, the more I wanna down a bottle of pills, but I keep looking at my cat. Who would take care of her if I were gone? Why would I do something like that to her? To anyone?

Someone, please. Just help me get out of this rut. I've been contemplating and crying all damn day.