What caused my depression

My depression is much better. Never had I've had thoughts of killing myself. People have asked me why I suffer from depression and I answer life. It's too long to explain there's to many reasons. So I wanted to share somewhere with people who are more likely to understand. I didn't proof read or spell check because I wanted to post before I changed my mind. Here's a day in my brain's thinking.

You have such a good life, yet your still sad. There are children, animals,people being abused every minute…nobody is there to help them…just suffering.Oh no there’s another article about a child tortured and cut up, another one about being beaten to death….stop feeling sorry for yourself…poor kids, why couldn’t I help. You have people all over the world starving and here you are eating in excess. You have people that walk miles for clean water and here you are sitting in the shower, just to relax. Oh you’re tired after working 8 hours….look at your dad, he’s been working 16 hours day since he could walk. My parents are getting older and they’re smart people; my dad would have been an engineer and my mother a communication or business major-trust me I know, but they can’t never will. My parents love to learn-he asks me question about everything and anything. Amazed by the responses I give them I wish I believed in reincarnation-that they could have another chance for a better life. I wish I believed in heaven, so I would at least have some closure knowing that the people who suffer on this planet have some peace after they die-but I don’t. I use to believe in Christianity-I came to the conclusion that the reason religions were invented were to calm humans about death. All the abused, the neglected, the unloved, the poor…will never get another chance once they die.. Remember how mean you were to your brother, parents, friend, stranger-what if they die tomorrow? How horrible of you-you can’t ask for forgiveness why there gone. You think you’re a good person but remember what you gossiped about that person. So you see your two cousins are emotionally neglected by their mother…you see the 7 year old acting out…you suspected abuse at his father’s house… who do I tell? You’re a coward you won’t tell, you fear the mother and the father. If you tell the school…they’ll know it’s you. You’re not a good person. I’ll do more tomorrow…time to go to sleep. What’s that pain in your head…what if you die and this is your last night? I don’t want to die….I have a great life. I didn’t get to apologize, to help. I woke I’m alive..oh thank goodness you have no terminal disease. Even if you did die you’re 21 you’ve lived more than several people. Look a saint jude commercial…that child only lived 3 years..you lived 18 years more. Time for a run….You were born “normal” look at that person…who will take care of him once his mother dies. Oh goodness, is my friend really complaining about that? How ungrateful they are. You’re too harsh…not everyone has to care like you do