The computer that wouldn't turn off.

User comes back after 6 months. Their computer freezes so they call us.

Them: "My computer is frozen, it kept saying I need to restart it because it finished updating and now it's stuck"

Us: "OK, this happens sometimes if the machine does a number of updates. Please just hold the power button until the screen goes black".

Them: "OK I pressed it, nothing happened"

Us: "You need to hold it until the screen goes black, usually about 5 seconds".

Them (getting annoyed): "I just said I pressed the power button, i just pressed it again and nothing happened"

Us: "please dont just press it, you have to push it in and hold it in for 5 seconds without letting go"

Them (very irate): "I'm not stupid. I pressed the power button and it won't turn off. My computer is broken".

Now usually I would just say turn it off at the plug at this point as the mouth-breathing moron doesn't listen to a word we've said but this is a very high up person in the company. I went to their office, put my finger on the power button and pressed it whilst counting out loud 1, 2, 3, 4.. the computer turns off. I turn it on again and it does some updates. I wait until she logs in and it's all fine. As I'm about to leave she says "well I don't know why it worked for you, I pressed the power button". It is the closest in my 14 year tech support career I've come to telling someone they are just plain thick and shouldn't use a computer. Tldr: users don't listen, sometimes even right infront of their face.