I really hope you get a solid reality check soon. And I secretly hope I'm the one to deliver it.

Dear M,

You have become one of my best friends, the closest I've had and the most comfortable I have felt in a friendship group (along with R) since I can remember. I take none of it for granted, but I fear you are not the same. I know you're a bit younger than I am, but I'm certain you have been through just as much, and I feel comfortable around you because I know you are mature (as much as I am, anyway) enough to be more grounded than R.

However, I just can't comprehend how you think you can go around fucking over your best friends, using them when it's convenient and still expecting no consequences. I have half a mind to tell her you like to fuck your friends and pretend to be the sweetest guy ever to the girlfriend (who I am very sure is jealous and it probably already strains her to be so nice to me as your friend). This has torn me up from the beginning, and continues to even more so when you said you were single finally and assured me I was not getting in the middle of anything, followed by solid proof you were lying no less than two days later.

After everything, seeing me cry and letting me be a real friend back and comforting you through your breakup, you act like nothing is different. That was a big moment for me because it made me feel like I'm valued as a friend, rather than just someone to keep around who also happens to be easy to persuade into bed.

I try so hard to not freak out at you because I value your friendship so much, to the point of it being the main source of happiness and pain in my life. It shouldn't be that way. You can't treat people you claim are friends as conveniences without regard to how it affects anything except your dick. Even if you wanted to cheat on your girlfriend and pretend everything is fine, DON'T USE YOUR EXISTING CLOSE FRIEND to do it. Sure, it's a shitty thing to do anyway, but obviously you don't care if you're risking this friendship. I know I am not innocent in this, but the fact of the matter is I never initiate because I never really want to have sex with you again. But each time I get too scared of losing you to say no.

I know sooner or later it will catch up with you. I know you and girlfriend will probably be off again soon (you're not a great match, IMHO). But what I really hope is that it's sooner rather than later, because you don't seem to expect any consequences, and I want you to really learn to think outside of yourself, get your head out of your ass, before I become the one to blow up on you, destroying any chance of being cool again. Yeah, I'm selfish because you guys mean so much to me. I'm also selfish because I want you to feel as much pain as I have over the last year. I don't think you'd be able to handle it. Is it selfish to want to get as much effort out of a friendship as I put into it? I think it's fair.

I should just bail because "they obviously don't care about you as much as you do them", blah blah blah... but for some (possibly stupid) reason I feel like it's worth fighting to keep this around. You said yourself that me and R are your best friends right now. If you're not careful, you could lose that. I hope you stop taking a genuine friendship with me and R for granted. These aren't easy to come by, man.

I know you probably don't think about it as hard as I do because I'm an oversensitive girl, but fuck you. You should start. Like I said, get your head out of your ass. Or if you need help with that, I care enough to be the one to wrench it out from those depths. You're welcome.