How to narcs respond to their victims being successful later in life?

[Question]

This post isn't specifically about narc parents (I have one), but narcs in general.

I used to work in a very toxic work environment with management full of narcs. And I was a target. I was only there for 6 months and this was over 3 years ago, but, I still get flashbacks of the abuse. I was SO naive at the time and only just last year learned about personality disorders. I was gaslighted, lied to, slandered, scapegoated, humiliated, yelled at, and on instance physically assaulted. I didn't stand up to myself.

And even though I am not in the place anymore, the abuse has left me drained. I wasn't the only target but being new to the company and very low on the totem pole, I put up with a lot of shit that I didn't need to. The day the management introduced themselves to myself and other new hires during the orientation, I KNEW that this was a bad place to work and the people were downright evil. My gut was telling me to walk away and not look back. But, I didn't trust my own intuition. The job was very close to minimum wage too.

I am not the same person anymore. I am more assertive but the problem is, I am having a very hard time overcoming this psychologically. I have frequent bouts of severe anxiety and feel a general sense of fear around people. It is a horrible mental state.

I have thought about revenge in terms of humiliating or yelling and screaming at them if I ever come across them, but I know better than to play their game. I know that they crave attention, good or bad. It makes them feel like they have control. I don't want to give them any attention in person and I sure don't want the thought of them lingering around in my mind after all these years. But, I can't let go. I can't unclench. I am holding a grudge and all that is doing is making me miserable.

I know the best and most productive way to more forward is to work on myself and my own life. Set high goals, achieve goals, make a name for myself. But, a part of me wants my predators to feel like shit. I want them to compare themselves to my successful life and feel miserable about theirs. I know that this is not a healthy mindset to have. But, I think that this is the one of the major motivating force to achieve the borderline impossible goals I have set for myself.

I want to get to a place mentally, emotionally, psychologically where they and the past doesn't even matter anymore. But, I know that it is not happening anytime soon.

My question: Do people with actual and severe NPD (I'm talking the charm, lack of empathy, pathological lying, etc) feel envy and jealousy of other's success? What if the person that is successful was once someone in a subservient position to them and treated like a doormat?

What have your experiences been with something like this? Either in terms of your narc family, or narc friends, or former bosses and coworkers that were narcs?

I want to be massively successful and piss off my enemies doing it.

Posted Sep 16, 2015, 6:41 AM UTC · edited

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