Guy here with a question about a female friend.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I need to ask the advice of some females on a subject that's got me confused and stressed. I've got a very close female friend, and about 10 months ago I confessed that I had feelings for her. She said she wasn't ready and deep down I knew she didn't feel the same way, but I felt like I should put it out there so our friendship didn't get weird. It took me a couple months, but I got myself to a place where I was happy just being her friend.

Fast forward a month ago, our friendship had gotten very strong, we both had been through some very heavy stuff and leaned on each other at different times. She tells me she started seeing someone. I was a bit surprised because she was adamant she didn't want to date anyone and that she was done with men (mainly because of abusive relationship and an incident where a "friend" had drugged and taken advantage of her). I was supportive and genuinely happy because she means a lot to me, but the things started to get weird. This guy is 10 years older than she is and she mentioned that he had pursued her when she had dated his friend and when he was also in a relationship. She told me that she wished he had my value system and that he lacked empathy so when she needed to talk about some stress in her life, her first instinct was to call me rather than talk to him. I was confused because to me, if those things were so important to her, why is she seeing him?

Here's what I gather, she likes the "bad boy" type, tattoos and lifted trucks and a bit rough around the edges. I work out, but there are no tattoos and if I had to describe my personality, it's that I love people and always try to uplift, but coming from a sports background, there's always a time and place to get into a scrap. So I felt as though she wants my personality on a rougher model.

She broke up with him because he wasn't meeting her halfway on some things that she holds dear, i.e. religion, compassion, emotional availability, and came to me for support and advice on how to cope. She said she loves him and he said it back but couldn't explain why, which makes me wonder if he only said it because she wants him to. Meanwhile, a couple months ago, we both told each other that we loved each other, in a more platonic way, but I explained why I enjoy having her in my life and why she makes me want to become a better person, because of her values and how she treats others and I haven't always been strong in that area. He texted her a day after the breakup and said a lot of things that affected her to the point where she wants to consider taking him back, but asked me what i thought and I don't quite know what to tell her because while I don't think he's right for her, I also don't know how to say it without potentially sounding jealous. If she wants to date someone, I'd never try to stop her, but I still consider her a friend, and much like I'd tell a male friend if his new girl wasn't quite the right fit, I am having a bought time biting my tongue about this whole thing.

So I have 2 questions for AskWomen: 1) Was I oblivious with some signals where she might have come around to the idea of dating me? Aside from the "values" comment, we also get asked if we're together whenever we go out for lunch or something and she has said we should just roll with it, even when she was dating this other guy.

2. How do I establish boundaries with her for the future when she's asking me to guide her through this whole relationship with this other guy? As much as I want to tell her that I can't be the emotional backboard if she's dating this guy (I think he needs to grow up and be there for her in every way, I can't pick her up when she's down and then send her back to him so he can just enjoy the good times), I do want to be there for her. I'm just not sure to what capacity I should take it.

Thanks for the responses in advance!