I feel so hopeless

I am a whirl of emotions and thoughts right now so I apologize in advance if this seems to be jumping all over the place.

I graduated from college back in May, and at the time I was only mildly worried about my future since I had no jobs lined up. I was being separated from a group of friends I had been living with for 2 years, so it felt weird not living with these people anymore. My biggest concern, however, was moving back home with my parents and sister. The reason for this is because 3 years prior, my parents had a long series of arguments that almost ended in divorce. I tried playing the diplomat, but I was met with emotional blackmail such as "I guess you really don't love me and only love your (other parent) more" from both sides. Also, I despise my sister because she is just as, if not more, emotionally manipulative than my parents. Also, all three of them have this nasty habit of getting defensive or dismissing me entirely any time I try to be objective with them, but they have no problem berating me. Long story short, I have trust issues with my family, and all my more distant relatives are unreliable and can fuck off for all I care. I decided that once I get home, I'm going to apply to jobs to the best of my ability, get a job as soon as I can, and move the fuck out. This is where things start to spiral downwards

I'm the type of person who needs to take a lot of breaks between job applications because it's mentally taxing on me after a certain amount of time. My family didn't want any of that though. They kept bombarding me with "your student loan payments start soon, you better find a job fast" or "I don't see you making an effort to apply." Because this became routine, I started developing anxiety. I tried talking to them about this, but it was to no avail because they would dismiss anything I tried to tell them.

About 2 months ago, I had my first panic attack, shouting at my parents trying to get something through to them. They tried to calm me down and act like they cared, but due to my trust issues, I didn't want their sympathy or anything. I left the house and went down to my college (it's only an hour drive, so it wasn't like I was making a huge time commitment) to visit my friends, but it didn't alleviate my anxiety. I was driving back home (and at this point, my anxiety has been around for 5+ hours), and this was the first time suicidal thoughts popped into my head. I thought of ramming my car into the divider in the road or driving off of a bridge or something, but I pulled, breathed, and managed to get myself home, where I talked with my friend over FB to help me through this.

Since then, I've seen my life fall apart slowly, as I slump deeper into what I believe is depression. My sleep schedule is fucked, and I go to sleep after 4 am every night, I eat like shit now, I stopped going to the gym, and I've put on a good amount of weight. I've mroe or less stopepd applying to jobs and I'm just sitting in my room all day, occasionally leaving the house to visit my friends. Even when I do visit them, when I leave, the emotions are fleeting, and I immediately return to normal mood of "meh."

3 weeks ago, I found out that one of my childhood friends killed himself, and I attended his funeral 2 weeks ago. It's been weighing heavily on my mind that someone I've known for so long is now dead, and seeing how his family was during the funeral has been the only thing that has stopped me from taking my own life.

Today, however, my parents gave me another panic attack. I told them that I might be going through depression about a month ago, but they don't seem to understand what I'm feeling, despite their claims that they do know. They've been asking me repeatedly "when are you going to get over this? When are you going to get your life back on track?" Like I can plan this out in black and white. I yelled at them again, but to no avail yet again. I just came back from getting more junk food and I contemplated suicide again. I am writing this because I need to get this out of my head. I need to tell someone who understands. The things that I love doing no longer give me satisfaction or peace of mind. I'm starting to feel more and more alone each day, and I just want someone to understand how I feel and not provoke me with lack of patience or understanding of how I feel.

I'm sorry this was so long, but I needed to get this off my chest. If you've read this far, words cannot express how grateful I am. I hope I can pull myself out of this rut sometime soon, because it only feels like I'm sinking deeper.