Me [35 M] with my wife [29F] of five years, wants a divorce after I requested a paternity test

First: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3livi7/me_35_m_with_my_wife_29f_of_five_years_wants_a/

I got to sit down with my wife during my visit with my daughter while she was napping.

She says that this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Here is why she "went nuclear" as a lot of people said. As much as this hurt, I needed to hear it:

• I had trouble trusting her our whole relationship, despite the fact she had never cheated on me or any exes. She's caught me snooping through her phone/e-mail/work laptop before, and because she deals with privileged information, she says I open her up to liabilities with her clients. No, I have never found anything incriminating.

• She has never hidden anything except work related things because of confidentiality. Her bank accounts, credit card information, phone records were always open to me because she's caught me snooping before and she wanted to assuage my fears.

• I had recently installed Tinder on my phone and she had caught me on OKCupid 6 months ago (her best friend sent her my profile,) so the thinks that this is me projecting.

• She got upset about the hypocritical-ness of it all; while she had to be fully open to me, but she says I never showed her the same courtesy and always bitched at her about my "privacy." I had my phone passcoded (I would get upset if she did the same,) and I'd get angry with her if she went into my computer/e-mail for any reason, even if it was bill related.

She said what really made her not want to work on it was some of the following:

• She felt no support from me at all before the test. She would come over every other day and talk to me, but I was "cold" to her and that she tried to work on it in the beginning. She said my aloofness made her not care.

• I refused to help her cover the co-pay for the amniocentesis. She said this was pettiness that made her feel this way, but she was going to get an amniocentesis test anyway because she's paranoid about birth defects and her insurance didn't deem it medically necessary.

• I went on a few dates after she moved out and she found out. She considered it cheating because she had been attempting to work on our marriage at that point, and had even made counseling appointments (that I refused to attend until she got the paternity test.) I didn't remember about this and didn't include it in my last post.

She said she's willing to work on the marriage, but she said that it has to be as open both ways and she isn't willing to move back in with me right away. I have to give her the passcode to my phone and delete Tinder. I do not want to give her the passcode to my phone because I think I deserve my privacy.

Her other condition is personal therapy as well as the couples counseling. I don't want to do this, either, because as many of you have pointed out that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be sure.

tl;dr: I spoke with my wife. She is willing to work on the marriage, but with conditions.