I feel really guilty that my husband has to live with a wife with mental illness

I have thoughts like this all the time with my boyfriend. When you're having anxiety it feels like it's the end of the world all the time (well for me at least). But for someone looking in from the outside it's not as big of a deal for them. It can seem like they're going through everything you're going through but it's not nearly as bad. Just be happy you have someone who is willing to help and know that if he didn't love you he wouldn't be as helpful as he is. Just tell him you love him and cuddle away the anxieties! :)

For the longest time I thought I was going to infect my wife w/ my anxiety, depression, etc. I was embarrassed and felt like I was weak minded and pretty much sunk lower and lower. Until one day, I couldn't handle it anymore. It took every bit of strength I could muster (this may seem bizarre to anyone who's never been through this) to reach out for help. As soon as I made the first appointment w/ my therapist, I felt a small sense of relief. The benefits kept coming. I could unload my thoughts on someone who understood what I was going through and pointed out my MANY irrational fears. I learned the tools that helped me identify negative thoughts and DISPUTE them instead of succumbing to my inner demons. My life has never been better. I'm dealing w/ the problems that I would usually ignore and I feel healthier than ever. It wasn't an easy road and there were many times when I've slipped, but once you understand what you're going through and what causes your particular darkness, you've made ground. Instead of treading over and over again trying to figure out what's going on, you focus on the specific and it's incredibly empowering. You have to open and willing to trust. You have to be honest with yourself and your therapist. Neither of these things were easy for me at first. Now, I've let go of so many things that would easily suffocate any joy I would feel before. I'm finally in control of what I can control. I have my down days, I have my great days. Best of all, I have my "even keeled" days which are my favorite. These are the days that I'm able to live w/out the swings, perceived negativity and mind reading. These are the days that I truly live my life and not get bogged down by the useless distractions. Reaching out can be hard at first. The fact that you've posted your thoughts and are seeking help is a huge hurdle and shows that you want to get better. You don't have to live like this. It sounds like your husband loves you and is supportive. It's amazing isn't it? That's what marriage is though. He's there for you as you would be for him. These are the tough times, this is just a challenge that you and your husband must process (in my opinion) to move forward. My wife was incredibly supportive and it opened up a whole new perspective for me. Make an appointment to speak w/ someone. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and trust him/her. Chances are, they've seen what you're going through and will help you get better. Don't get discouraged. There are things that you have to realize yourself which can be frustrating. This process takes time but is very rewarding and is worth the effort.

Best of luck and I hope this helps.

Your illness does NOT make you a bad spouse. Keep telling yourself this everyday. I say this to myself every morning in the shower. It really helps me when I remind myself of this fact.
My husband told me once, when I first started taking Prozac earlier this year, that I wouldn't feel the same way if I had any other illness such as lupus or cancer. And that helped me put it into perspective. Mental illness is just a real and sometimes just as debilitating as any other illness.
Best of luck with your new medication regime. I hope it works out for you.

I feel like this with my wife. I wish I could be better for her. Problem is, she understands at times, and at others she forgets. She's slowly understanding my problems and being more empathetic but it's very hard because we have two young children who I sometimes need to stay away from because they trigger my symptoms.

I feel the same way about my husband. I've been fighting travel anxiety since I was in grade school and for a while it was so bad that I didn't even leave the house for school or would have to take several days a week off to recover from the days I was there, it was brutal. Now I'm in my late 20's, married, and have worked really hard to have my anxiety under control, so I decided to fulfill a dream and take a 3-week long trip (2 weeks of that ALONE) to England and France.

I was totally fine with the planning and everything then the night before came. I didn't sleep more than 2 hours and plotted all sort of ways to get out of it, including throwing myself down stairs so my trip insurance would cover the cancellation (and the people in my life would think it was an accident). My husband dealt with all this anxiety like a goddamn champ and talked me up into doing it, and now I'm on my 3rd day alone in England. Its up and down and he's actually going to change his flight to come out for 1.5 weeks instead of just 1, but overall I'm having an awesome time. Eating meals alone in restaurants is hard and awkward, but I've been able to make do.

Thank your dude, but don't overdo it and turn him into a saint in your mind or treat him with reverence; my husband has told me that's the ultimate boner-killer and he's honestly happy to help and appreciates the praise, but doesn't want that kind of power dynamic in our marriage.

When you are in a slump don't allow yourself to worry like that. Especially when changing meds. Its just your anxiety talking. Allow yourself to take the support now and simply give back when you are better.

Thanks for sharing, I too feel this way from time to time. My wife is also very supportive and seems to always say the right things and not add to my issues. I'm glad you are seeking help and I really hope the best for you. I've been seeing my psychiatrist for over a year now and it has made such a huge difference. Just recently I started seeing a therapist because I'm still not able to pull myself together much of the time. I'm hoping to get some tools from my therapist to use so I can combat my anxiety more effectively.

When I find myself apologizing to my wife for the hassle my anxiety can cause us, she tells me that she would much rather be with me with all of my problems then be without me. She just wants me to feel better. From your description of your husband I think he might feel the same.

My wife often has the same guilt that you feel. Honestly, it is hard, but I'd do anything for her. I wish she didn't have to deal with it, not because it would make my life easier, but because I'm never more happy than when she's happy.

I think as long as he is still doing good things for himself and taking care of himself that he'll stick with it because he loves you. As a spouse of someone with mental illness, I ended up going to a support group for family members of those that have mental illness and it's helped tremendously. I didn't know how to handle things at first but now I am on my husband's side note often than not. The love I share with him overrides the illness. I still wouldn't want to be without him. Ever.

As someone who is in a similar role as your husband, it may not be easy, but we love to do it. Trust me. It makes us as happy as it makes you.

If he didn't love doing what he does for you, he wouldn't be supportive. He'd try to give you "tough love", or simply tolerate your symptoms rather than caring about trying to improve them. Don't burden him more by feeling guilty that he's helping you... accept his help, and love him for it. That's all you have to do.

I used to constantly fear my partner would see me for the fuck up I thought I was and would leave me. It turns out she likes me a lot and accepts my mental health as a part of that. Your husband probably feels the same way about you. They wouldn't be with you if they didn't think you were awesome.

PS. You are awesome just for fighting and seeking a solution, let alone anything else.

I hope getting this off your chest here made you feel better.

I'm really glad you brought this up because it sums up how I've been feeling lately and like I'm such a burden on my husband. Knowing I'm not alone with this feeling and seeing all of the comments in this thread has really been uplifting.

I feel the same way about the stuff I put my wife through.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

This is my biggest fear, not that I'll lose my partner, but that he'll stay with me, and let me drag him down. I feel over-dramatic and childish for thinking that my anxiety is contagious, but that's how it feels a lot of the time. I've even resorted to hiding my feelings from him, to protect him, which has only made me feel even worse.

I so much understand what you are feeling and experiencing. My anxiety stems from the seeds of ADHD that have manifested in sprouting up into an out of control virtually non existent grip on the boring mundane real issues in life that I have let go of such as checking the mail for weeks, laundry, paperwork piling up. My personality naturally tends to overlook these things but when you add ADHD to it - bam, anxiety and drag down depression that I have to fight.

I know for a fact he deserves so much better than me in so many ways - I love him like crazy and hate that I'm not what he deserves. I'm constantly apologizing to him and he reassures me that I'm the best wife ever which makes me feel even worse.

After talking to my GP during a physical a month and a half ago she recommended a really good psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD, Anxiety and Depression so I went to see him and am on a med for the ADHD. For a week or so I thought that was solving it but now wondering if it is making it worse because when the meds wear off I'm left feeling almost dysfunctionally depressed and the anxiety literally causes physiological pressure in my chest. I'm not on an anti-depressant as I tried those about 20 years ago (depression and anxiety comes and goes in my life) and I didn't like any of the AD meds, mostly because of the negative sexual side effects even tho I was single and not in a relationship, but I am wondering now if I should try them again if it gets worse.

Sorry to hear what you are going through - you aren't alone and I thank you for posting this because it helped me to feel not so alone in this. In fact, it's been weighing on me so heavily that after I created a new account (typically a lurker on just a few subs) I purposefully looked for a subreddit like this in case there was one - yours was the first that caught my eye so I felt immediate identification with your post.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk.

I do too. I'm a wife and I stress too much. However, my husband probably stresses too little and so we help keep each other in check.

Hi, This is to no way attenuate your situation, however, mental illness can be used as a pathway to get yourself know better and those around you, while it may not sound like this now, but you'l have to work on it, once you realise it (and you'll) your life will become heaps better, for now there is no need to blame yourself for things you don't do purposely (easier said than done) and start to incorporate Meditation and exercise (I CANNOT stress this enough). You'll need to get out of your comfort zone and it'll be hard at the start but remember the bigger picture. essentially enter into an action mode, read books (How to rewire your brain) and see how you go, let me know if you need any assistance with any of of the above as i practise mediation formerly everyday! Goodluck!

I feel the same way with my husband. He only had exposure to depression through a friend's mum when he was younger and so doesn't know how to deal with it or anxiety. It's been a learning lrocess for him know how to reduce anxiety with me, help me cope with it, and support me when I'm feeling low. I had our son six weeks ago and he had to handle the pregnancy and now postpartum hormones turning me into a very unpredictable person.

I told him just a few days ago how bad I feel that he has to deal with this and live with me and how guilty it makes me feel too. He has been so patient and supportive with me and adaptive in how he deals with stress and conflict. Yesterday I was prescribed sertraline again so hopefully it will reduce the anxiety and help me cope better. It should make things easier for him too, hopefully.

This is something I really struggle with too. My boyfriend has been nothing but wonderful and has never given me any indication that he finds my mental health problems a burden or a turn-off, but I can't help but worry about it. I always think why would he put up with this when he could be with someone who doesn't have these issues? What's he getting out of this? But of course there's so much more to me than my anxiety, I just struggle to see that on bad days. And every time I open up to him I think that it's going to be the final straw, the thing that makes him decide he's had enough and go. I have a very hard time being close to people because of my anxiety – it's so much easier to not acknowledge how bad it is and just retreat into your coping mechanisms when you're alone – and I worry that I'll end up pushing him away just so he doesn't see how bad it can be.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to apologise all the time too. I guess what I try and think about is that he is with me, he chose me. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me - I'm sure your husband tells you these things too. I hope eventually you believe him!