I posted my FB coming out letter. Here's the final draft.

I would like to be open about one of my biggest life decisions. Because you are my Facebook friend, I genuinely want you to remain part of my life. I don't keep people around that I don't like. I know this is long, but as this is VERY important to me, I would prefer you to read the whole thing. So here it is:

 

I am an Exmormon. I no longer believe that the LDS church is true.

 

I didn't come to this decision lightly. It has actually been years in the making. I have been researching topics practically non-stop since 2010. I researched official LDS sources, non-official LDS sources, and non-LDS sources. After studying the church's early history, scientific studies, and the essays the church published, I decided I could no longer be Mormon.

 

There are some stereotypes that Exmormons have, such as

1. You sinned and don’t want to repent or are just looking for an excuse to sin.
2. You are just lazy.
3. You didn’t do enough to strengthen your testimony. Things like read scriptures, pray enough, pay tithing, go to the temple, etc.
4. You never had a testimony to begin with.
5. Deep down, you know it's true.
6. You’re just trying to justify your actions.
7. You just wanted to “look cool”.
8. You had parents who didn’t raise you right.
9. You were just offended.
10. You are deceived by Satan.
11. You read Anti-Mormon lies.
12. You only focused on things that don’t matter to your salvation.
13. Your life will be really difficult now.
14. Your family will fall apart.
15. Your family pushed you away from, or encouraged you to leave, Mormonism.
16. You have no morals.
17. You've lost the light in your eyes.
18. You're really bitter now.
19. You didn't think this decision through all the way.
20. You aren’t really happy.

These are very hurtful, and quite frankly extremely presumptive, stereotypes. On top of losing the only belief structure we’ve ever known, Exmormons often have to deal with the unbearable pain of having people we care about think horrible things, like the above list, about us.

 

I would like to make a distinction. I am not an "Anti-Mormon", I am an Exmormon. I have no problems with the people in the LDS church. My family remains Mormon, and our relationship remains solid. Many of my friends, too, are Mormon. In fact, I’d say that most of the people in the church are really great people! As your friend, I plead with you not to stereotype me, or any other Exmormon, in a negative way.

 

I am the same person I always have been. Just because I no longer believe in Mormonism does not mean I have turned away from the values and morals I have had instilled in me since childhood. In fact, the older I get, the more I realize how critically important it is that I live a life that is honorable and focused on the needs of others, especially the less-fortunate.

 

Yet there are some beliefs and doctrines that we (Mormons and I) no longer have in common. I understand you may feel hurt, sad or surprised. I understand that. I also felt (and still feel) hurt, sad, and surprised as I discovered that the foundation of my life was not what I thought it was.

 

The bottom line, and perhaps one of the most important take-aways I hope I can instill in you, is this: We do not need to let our differences of religion get in the way of our friendships. However, if this difference is something that you cannot get past, I will understand. I will miss our friendship, and wish you the best of luck in life.

 

Regarding my feelings about the actual church, this analogy explains it well: Imagine you went to a college for half your degree, but transferred to another college because it was better for you. Every once in a while, you still get frustrated at your old school’s policies, administration, and their teaching methods which made you leave. However, most of the time, you think about how happy you are at your new school, not about how unhappy you were at your old school. Ultimately, you enjoyed the good times at your old school, you hope it fixes the problems there, and you wish the best for it and its students.

 

To my Mormon friends: I deeply value our friendship. I am the same as I have always been. If you have any desire to understand what led me to my conclusions or have any questions about how I arrived at my decision, message me directly. I will give you straight answers that you will not get second-hand. Also, be assured that I will respect your right to your beliefs, as you respect my right to believe mine.

 

To my doubting or closeted Exmormon friends: The transition can be very hard, but you don't have to do it alone. There are many who have gone through what you are going through now. I run a Facebook support group called "Boise Exmormon Meetup". We have pizza once a week, chat about how our families are, talk about any problems we have, and support other Exmormons who are going through the same things. It isn’t a “bashing club”, it’s a support group. Whether you reach out to me, my group, another group, or something else, try to find support where you feel comfortable and happy. You have potential new friends who understand. You’re definitely not alone.

 

To my Exmormon friends: Thank you for being such a huge support to me. After I left the church, I was feeling profoundly alone and hopeless before I reached out to the community. You have given me hope and happiness through your friendship and support. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me.

 

To all my friends: Have a wonderful day! Thanks for being -- and remaining -- my friend.