Substance, and false hope

There’s an abundance of issues that provoke this loneliness, defeat, and desperation

I feel it almost all the time, I’ve tried to change

and sometimes I do feel better, sometimes I feel exuberant

There are days when I wake up

when I don’t even feel the need to slowly subconsciously end my existence

I have tried living my life in different ways, and in quite a few different places

The problem is that it lives inside me

They tell me I should abstain, then wait for improvements, which I have

Here’s what you should know:

It’s the substance, and false hope, that bring me the warmth I long for,

until it’s gone once more

I tell myself that one person could change this, one person could save me,

I’d change my ways for you

It’s been this way for 14 years, I’ve felt both sides,

helping others while I refuse to help myself

Feeling the pain and fear that my parent’s felt as they were losing their son

I’ve always hidden these issues, I want everyone to think it’s all okay in my world

It seems everything but my feelings are fake, and that’s a hard pill to swallow

But then it was you on the phone, asking about tomorrow morning

I'm thankful you thought of me, and the fact that we will spend some time

It truly warms my heart, in a time when everything has been entirely cold.

Feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/3szdt2/you_only_love_me_in_the_dark/cx1w1ic https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/3t727a/what_can_i_do/cx4asfy

Edit: Format