[4676] On the Shores of Home Part 1

Hey. This is part one of a story I've been working on. I have no idea if this is good or not, so I'm looking for a critique on everything. Specifically, I'd like to know if the beginning is too slow and too ham-fisted with the exposition.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tmIY_o5VmfLZqdVLUM1kLVeSU5X4fGsmo0a6EAsVBFQ/edit?usp=sharing