[1998] This Foolish Heart of Mine

My bud, u/thekingofghana, looked at this piece in the summer, and he gave me extensive line edits, and pointed out some glaring weaknesses with storie and characters. Unfortunately, I could not transfer those line-edits to this secondary Gmail account, so I have a fresh document. However, I expect you people to destroy this.

Some of his comments were:

• a need for a tighter narrative (the intentions of the characters)

• Lucy is, in his words, an empty shell of a character

• a need for characterization in small actions (drinking, for example); this also ties in with the need for a stronger point-of-view

As per usual, the style that I'm going for has limited narration and introspection and a whole lot of dialogue. Link.

PS. u/thekingofghana, I'm probably going to look over your first story tonight, so expect an e-mail later.