This fetish is ass

It directly conflicts with who I am as a person. I'm about run away from home, become a woman through bootleg hormones, find a boyfriend and just wash my hands with this shit. Or wait, this is never going to fully go away, only suppress itself through hormones. Great.

I didn't ask for this shit but fuck, it's embarrassing. Why couldn't I have just been fucking gay, or a poor African child? It's also funny because I deeply hate women, not just because of their beauty and carefree attitude but I just hate them. I can't stand to be around them or I get very angry.

It's part of the reason I even found out about my love of this fetish. I started to build up so much hatred towards women, all women. Somehow I got in in my head that they're all backstabbing fucks...