Source
r/raisedbynarcissists•
helloily

Any twins raised by a narcissist?

[Question]

Was anybody else a RBN twin? The twin dynamic lends itself, I think, really well to the GC/SG even without a narc around, or maybe I've just been around way too many N's.

I felt extremely objectified as a twin, and was given implicit and explicit messages that I wasn't a full person my whole life. When I was grieving for my stepmom in the hospital during high school (she survived but that wasn't the prognosis) I had a school admin accuse me of lying because my twin wasn't as visibly effected.

It was just plain easier to treat us as a unit growing up, sure I get that. But the result was that no one ever knew me, just that I was the counterpoint to my twin. Or as the double-daughter-set my Nmom could show off.

The worst was that the sibling dynamic in my house was straight up Hunger Games, so even though my sister was one of my worst enemies I was still treated as if we were exactly the same, and as though I was privileged enough to have a default best-friend/support system so no one needed to check on me. GCsis had a relationship with our Nmom though, so while they would go shopping together I don't think my mom even noticed that she never even spoke to me. Parent one twin, parent them all right?

This may just be N parenting nonspecific to being a twin, does anyone have a similar experience?

Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on my phone.

Posted Dec 3, 2015, 9:33 PM UTC

65
lasciels_illusion•

I'm a twin. The GC is our little sister. When I was 5, my mother sat me down and explained that since my twin and I had each other, and my little sister didn't, then Nmom was going to be on her "side" from then on. I didn't understand the sense of that, because weren't we all supposed to be on the same "side" because we were a family? (Apparently I was insightful at 5.) But after that, the whole family revolved around GC, and we were afterthoughts at best. Though both my twin and I were SGs, I was particularly targeted for verbal abuse and isolating tactics (my mom's favorite line was, "You're not a member of the family! You're just a guest!" I don't know how many hundreds of times I've heard that). My twin was the dominant one of the two of us.

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helloilyOP•

I'm sorry that happened, what horrible things to say.. and to wrap it in helping your sister ew. That assumption though that a kid doesn't need parenting because they have a twin is so insidious, I feel like outsiders assume that too.

1
LittleBlueEyesACoN, PTSD, N-mom & E-dad, wanting future LC•

I am a twin, yes! Neither of us were exactly the GC or SG.

I was the SG for a few things. ("You don't really need help, you're pretending! You're lying!") My twin was the SG for some specific topics, too. ("You're being dramatic!")

The same goes for being the GC one. I was considered the responsible child with the good memory. I was expected to keep track of my twin's belongings when we went out, so that she did not leave her purse or her jacket behind. (Obviously my twin hated me for checking up on her, etc.)

My twin sister was considered the "good student" because she worked hard for the same good grades that I made without trying. I was always compared to her in terms of effort that I put into my schoolwork.

Neither of us has a good relationship with our parents. We also didn't get along with each other. I do wish we had been allies, but my twin spent years enjoying "turning me in" if I did something wrong. She also reported things falsely to N-Mom, including making up things I never did because she knew it would get me in trouble. Honestly, I think that she enjoyed that power, much like a bully enjoys the power they have over someone. We both got punished about the same amount.

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helloilyOP•

Despite being a twin, other twin sets are still a novelty in my experience, so hey twin! Do you happen to be the 'older' twin? I ask because I am the younger so my sister had the Spokeswoman role for us. She did the talking and the personality legwork as well as having a Big Sister attitude towards me (I could see it being protective in another universe).

I'll admit I was her bully since I didn't have any power, but I realized running to Nmom with problems was a bad idea at like 8 years old. Twin instead kept that support and got in my mom's good graces. It was bad enough with friends picking sides and then our mom did too!

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LittleBlueEyesACoN, PTSD, N-mom & E-dad, wanting future LC•

I'm younger by about 4 minutes. Growing up, my sister was very much the dominant personality. I was quiet and didn't express myself much; she did the talking.

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