A little something. Any advice appreciated.

There once were two people,

So very in love.

Who could gaze on forever,

At the stars up above.

 

Their hearts so full,

And fingers intertwined,

Forever they’d be safe,

There in each other’s mind.

 

A bond so strong,

Impossible to break.

Unique to them,

To which no one could take.

 

~

 

Then one day they parted

No fault of their own

Hoping in the future to return

Long after they’d grown

 

But one was afraid

He adored her so much

He couldn’t have a repeat

Of losing her touch

 

So he sat with his thoughts,

How stupid could he be,

Because she felt the same back,

Blinded by life, he couldn’t see.

 

~

 

They grew further apart,

Another she had found.

He couldn’t bear the heartache,

Buried his head in the ground.

 

But he would not give up,

Just take it day by day,

Left again with his thoughts,

Only one thing to say…

 

“It’s meant to be

But for now you are gone

Together forever

Walking as one”

 

https://ol.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/3vvsnj/please_dont_forgetmenot/cxrm8gv https://ol.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/3vqtno/hollow/cxrme6e

edit: I can't decide whether the 4th stanza sounds better as it is now or as

 

Then one day they parted

No fault of their own

Hoping to return in the future

Long after they’d grown

 

thoughts? And I really appreciate your comments so far. It's all still raw...