Newcomer Do's and Dont's

Newcomer Do's and Dont's

(I know it should technically be "don't's," but that just hurts my head).

DO - With the help of your sponsor you may choose to create a three circles monitoring plan by following the instruction of "The Three Circles."

DO - Start a daily check-in by phone (not by email or text message), with your sponsor. Check-in about the day's highlights and lowlights paying attention to the feelings that arose as you went about your day. The events are important, but not nearly as much as your reactions and the feelings accompanying them.

DO - Throw away ALL pornography including any files, pictures and videos, bookmarks to websites, magazines, and literature. Yes, Victoria Secret also!

DO - Buy appropriate porn blocking software. Install this software in a public setting or with a recovery partner so you are not immediately compelled to "test it out" the software at home!

DO - Start a regular exercise program in a way that is healthy (avoid the gym if that was a part of your acting out rituals or behavior).

DO - Develop healthy indoor or outdoor (preferred) hobbies that will give you access to Earth's majestic beings. Fishing, golfing, camping, hiking, painting, singing, or woodworking are but a few examples.

DO - Break all contact with acting out partners; this includes throwing away all photos and videos, phone numbers, stored text messages, and emails. Unfriend them on Facebook and all social media sites. Better yet, delete all social media profiles for the first few months of recovery. It will only get you in more trouble. Believe it or not, these are not healthy relationships! Do not keep anything that could satisfy your delusion that these are important people in your life. They are only important if you want to die a slow death from your addiction.

DO - Hang with the winners. You do not get this program by osmosis, but it helps tremendously to surround yourself with people in recovery instead of habitual "slippers" or people who are not really committed to change.

DO - Listen, listen, listen some more at meetings. Pay special attention to those who have quality sobriety regardless of whether you like them or not. Please remember the addict in you will do anything to get you back in the disease. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful!

DO - Work on the solution, not the problem. Concentrate on doing the next right thing.

DON'T - Stay inside your head. It is a bad neighborhood and you should not go there alone! Recovery comes from working on your heart and your soul not from your brain. Remember that your best thinking got you where you are today.

DON'T contact ex-acting out partners. - If they contact you, firmly demand that they not call you, text you, or email you ever again. If you need to, threaten them with contacting the police and turning them in for sexual harassment. Remember that you are fighting for your life and they will kill you if you let them.

DO - Forget the idea that there is a perfect spouse, lover, job, friendship, car or anything except for a Higher Power that is going to "fix" you and make you whole.

DO - Plan (with your sponsor's help) to eliminate as quickly as possible all destructive relationships. Destructive for an addict is anything that does not foster spiritual growth.

DO - Avoid TV shows or movies that are on the edge of being sexual explicit and which could act as a trigger for your addiction to kick in.

DON'T - Look for the negatives in a meeting. Always look to relate to feelings, stories, and experiences to bind you to the group not to separate you.

DON'T - Believe you are unique. Part of the problem is that you have come to believe that you suffer from Terminal Uniqueness. The details are different, but every addict's story is the same!

DO - Share about your life. Practice being vulnerable with sponsors and others. When you check-in with him/her speak of situations which created in you negative and positive feelings.

BE CENTERED - Check your breathing. Is it shallow? Is it irregular? Are you stressed or feeling anxious? Are you in your head? Recovery cannot take place if you are off center. If you are driving then pull over and take a few minutes to gather yourself. Slow down and stay in the now. Concentrate on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Picture yourself having the ability to cleanse yourself of all negativity inside yourself. In with the good and out with the bad. Say a quick prayer asking for help to slow down. This is a key to long term recovery.

DO - Be mindful of H.A.L.T. - Hungry (or Horny) Angry Lonely Tired. If you have two of these conditions working on you... look out. You are in a dangerous situation.

DO - Remember that relapse is avoidable. You don't have to slip unless you want to. Remember that this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. S.L.I.P - Sobriety Loses Its Priority or Still Learning I'm Powerless.

DO - Live in the present. If you keep one foot in the future and one in the past... you shit on the present.

DON'T - Allow FEAR to keep you from living in recovery. Recovery takes courage. Remember that you can only fear something that might happen. It is physically impossible to fear anything that is going on this very second. If we stay in the present moment there can be no fear. F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real.