Alright, I was torn between this and a Sibyl Sisters sitcom, so I flipped a coin. Here we are.

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Lugina comes staggering in

Lugina: Ugh...my head...

Rhemuil: Hi there!

Lugina: glances up Am I still drunk? Do I see a unicorn?

Rhemuil: Nope. Welcome to to the BFAA. There's some hello name tags over at that table. tilts head in direction of table

Lugina: Ugh...thanks. walks over to table

Krantz comes in, dragging Lucia and Cayena behind him

Krantz: Come on! Stop fighting! We have to go say hi to Rhemuil and eye tics and sit down!

Cayena: I AM RIGHTEOUS! hiccups

Lucia: I am Lucius...the god of the gates...

time lapse to a few minutes later. The room is now full, with a ring of chairs set up in the middle of the room

Rhemuil: Good morning, everyone! Welcome to another session of BFAA!

collective muttering of good morning

Rhemuil: Today, we have someone new! Lugina, stand up and introduce yourself!

Lugina: stands I am Lugina. I'm here today because I've been getting drunk and thinking my element is Water. sits down

Rhemuil: Thank you Lugina. Now it seems that a lot of people today fell of the wagon.

Lucia: I am Lucius...

Rhemuil: Now, now, Lucia, you're not Lucius. stamps hoof on button

a bucket of water is dumped on Lucia

Lugina: What in Ishgria?!

Rhemuil: Moving forward...Claris, how are you doing? Found someone yet?

Claris: cradling a stuffed cat No...I'm really lonely...that's why I drink...so...very...LONELY...suddenly and violently rips off stuffed cat's head

Rhemuil: Claris! What did we say about mutilating cats in front of newcomers?

Claris: We don't. rips cat's headless body in half But it makes me feel better...

Lugina: Oookaay...

Alyut: sitting next to Lugina Hi there! I'm Alyut!

Lugina: Hi there, Aly-

Alyut twitches, then his eyes turn red

Narza: muttering What did we say about calling ourselves Alyut?

Narza's eyes turn blue

Alyut: That we're supposed to call ourselves Narza?

eyes change color again

Narza: Yes, Alyut. Don't forget again, or I'll have to use the whip on us.

eyes change back to blue

Alyut: looks at Lugina Sorry...

Lugina: What was I thinking coming here...

Rhemuil: Cayena?

Cayena: I AM RIGHTEOUS!

Rhemuil: Cayena, did you drink before you came here?

Cayena: BEER IS RIGHTEOUS!

Rhemuil: If I could pinch the bridge of my nose, I would. But because of my lacking of hands and a nose bridge, I cannot.

Avant: Rhemuil...I have Batootha again.

Rhemuil: Then you need to stop drinking with Eze. Maybe if you talked to your son...

Avant: No!

Lugina: talking to Alyut What's up with him?

Alyut: Well, Avant's always drunk, because he's always thinking about his son Vargas...

eyes change color

Narza: ...Who is gay. He came out to him about...a year ago? Alyut?

eyes change back to blue

Alyut: Yeah, that's about right, Narza. I've met his boyfriend. I think his name was Galant. He's nice.

eyes switch again

Narza: So, Avant considers him dead. As such, he drinks his pain away with Eze.

Lugina: Wow...

Korzan: I'm having damage trouble again.

Rhemuil: Really? I thought Gumi weaned you off.

Korzan: They did, but it's happening again.

Rhemuil: Which leaves...Krantz and...Eric.

Krantz: I only had two glasses, and eye tics and then I went home.

Lugina: Why did he say "and" twice?

Alyut: Something with his Extra Skill?

Eric: bragging Well, I pretty much one-shotted everything last night, thanks to criticals.

Rhemuil: Eric. Your attacks can't crit.

Eric: Why not?

Rhemuil: Well, you'll have to go to Japan and ask Alim that.

Douglas: twitching, acting hyper I was meta once.

Lugina: That was a while ago, Doug-

Rhemuil: DON"T SAY HIS NAME!

Lugina: -las.

Douglas: eyes widen, pupils dilate IWASMETAONCEIWASMETAONCEIWASMETAONCEIWASMETAONCE-

Rhemuil stamps another button

Douglas is beaned on the head with an anvil with A.C.M.E. stamped on the front

Lugina: I thought A.C.M.E. was just in Looney Tunes!

Rhemuil: Do not mention Looney Tunes.

Alyut: leans over Rhemuil was never answered to a duel with Bugs Bunny.

Lugina: Because Bugs Bunny isn't real!

Alyut's eyes change color

Narza: Well, the Vocaloids were supposed to be holograms, but look at Meiko.

scene pans over to Meiko, drinking from a can labeled Sake

Lugina: What have I gotten myself into?

Rhemuil: glances at clock on wall My, how the time flies by! Dismissed!

Lugina: I'm outta here! runs, smashes door down

Rhemuil: Well then. I believe we scared him off.

Claris: disemboweling another cat plushie I believe we have...

Cayena: BEER IS RIGHTEOUS!

Rhemuil: Farewell, my fellow drunkards. flies off

END