Source
r/OCPoetry•
NiagaraRises

adventures in rodentia

Feedback Received!

scrunched in my hidey-hole

whiskers pressed in tight

my whole hide

trembling

I hear my blood drum

agora is not the phobia

but he perched in light

the hermes

returning

I hear he snatches breath

safety of dirt and earth

but for she in tunnel mode

the herpos

slithering

I hear she ate her own legs

the mind is a jester

jokingly I muster

voiced

to betray location

and the sound of it scares me

all of motion is raptor

all of not is asp

all of me is rodentia

and it chews me up inside

12

Posted Feb 12, 2016, 10:03 AM UTC · edited

45
SongOfAstrus•

Took me a couple reads, but I really enjoy the connection to mythos and perspective throughout the work.

2
NiagaraRisesOP•

Thanks. I had to make up the word herpos because herpes wasn't what I was after

1
adustum•

I really liked this one. Particularly the animal references and overall gristled (not sure if word) feeling. The phrase the mind is a jester makes me think of Jung and the trickster archetype which I draw a lot on in my own attempts at writing.

2
pppoetrythrowaya•

The rhythm here is really nice. The last three lines are pretty powerful actually. "All of not is asp" is a really cool way of saying "the things that I am not, destroy me" (that's how I perceived it, obviously).

2
NiagaraRisesOP•

In my mind, I was playing around with need to seclude and protect myself from society and balance the need to not waste myself by staying inside too long.

1