Now that I think about it "false emotion" seems to flow better. Thanks for the feedback.

I enjoyed this poem quite a bit, although I do have a few opinions. Personally, I would change line six to "I have grief never yet gone" and line eight to " a mask of false emotion". Though obviously it's your poem and I urge you to do what you think is right because I'm just a new poet myself. Other than that, I found the poem to be great! ESPECIALLY the last stanza which is really meaningful and a bit dark. Thank you for this, and keep writing!

I'll probably revise it, & use me less. Thanks for the link.

I like where you are going with your poem, I think you could potentially give it a little body or meat if you used more descriptive words and less words like "Me" and "My". I would also try different experimenting with different styles of [poetry](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/learning/glossary-terms?category=forms-and-types). 

I was originally going to have the poem be about PTSD "thousand yard stare" but I guess it can be about trauma of any kind.

I really enjoyed this. The first stanza is by far my favourite. I agree with the other poster that the line "I have grief never let go" would read better if you changed the words slightly. The poem talks about "past events" a lot too - I'd love it if the poem revealed what they were! 

Gotcha.  Users don't really have flair control in the sub.

    You see through my thousand yard stare
    My mind drifts away
    Barely even there
    How I envy those without a care
    You can see through my thousand yard stare 


    I have grief never let go 
    To always bear
    A mask of untrue emotion
    I'll always wear


    Past events catch up to me 
    My consciousness ensnare
    Past events cloud me 
    My heart to tear


    Grief taken from me
    My demons you share
    All I've loved taken
    No dreams but despair

I know it's not that good but critique is appreciated.

My two critiques:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46ixnc/an_open_letter_to_the_girl_in_my_bed/d05n9z9

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/46gw7d/wrong/d05nbz9







Not being there.