Leaving Islam

Religion has always seemed so benign; I never thought I'd have to consider my own death because of it. However, my options are very limited. I've decided to leave Islam because I simply do not agree with it. You'd think it would be as easy at that, to just leave and that would be the end of it.. Well that is absolutely not the case. If I tell my family this, I will lose them. I will lose the only people who have every understood me all because of this damned religion. I have such deep hatred for it and it's recommendation to kill those who leave. I know at heart, my parents are not like this; I know within them they are good people. Without Islam, they would never do this to me. It's not only them either, I will lose my brothers, sisters and everyone who I've held dear. The ones who gave me comfort when I was ignored because I was different.

My hatred for Islam grew to a peak when I was forced to go to Saudi Arabia for Umrah (Hajj pilgrimage). I witnessed the Kaaba; I couldn't help but imagine it burn away, along with all my problems. That thought was one of my last times I experienced any pleasure or satisfaction.

At this point, I only see two options. Either I remove myself from this world without ever telling my family, or remove the manifestation of my hatred itself (a final gesture of rebellion towards Islam), suicide in itself.