Its been a rough week, but the stash is in the trash

After being a couple of weeks clean I Relapsed last Friday, and have used Kratom every day since. I spent a lot of time thinking about what was going on today. Its so obvious what path i was heading back down, and i really don't want to do this anymore. I find it so crazy that after going through the nasty physical withdrawal, and a week without sleep, i pick kratom back up as soon as i was feeling slightly OK.

I have learnt my lesson this time. I know i cant use kratom for a very long time, maybe even never again.I cant use the stuff responsibly, so the whole stash has now been thrown in the trash, every single last gram of it. I'm really hoping this week long binge wont put me back in horrible physical withdrawals again. I fear its going to fuck up my sleep, as i wasn't sleeping that well before i relapsed.

I've still been hitting the gym daily and will continue to do so. I feel if i really focus on this, it should help me stay away form kratom. It feels good to be lifting weights again. It certainly seems to help with the stress and anxiety levels.

I really do want to be kratom free. Its ruled my life for the past 18 months, and its taken me to a really dark point in my life. Once kratom turns bad on you, It really does mess you up. Feeling trapped in an endless cycle of addiction and misery is no way to live. I want change and it starts now.