If your eyes are truly the window to your soul, then I guess I must be a really bad person.

Firstly, I have never been diagnosed with Aspergers. Its just something that over the last couple of years that I’ve become convinced that its not just shyness and anxiety issues that affect me. The thing is, my anxiety and shyness are really totally linked to how people relate to me.

My absolutely biggest issue is the way i look. My eyes just look so blank and expressionless. Ive been told that I look evil, like a killer or that they totally lack emotion or I just look really tired. Some people are even scared of me and actively try to avoid me when I’m at work. I just feel that I have to be on my best behaviour all the time and super friendly to everyone I meet just to convince them I’m not a bad guy. I just feel like its becoming quite overwhelming and completely dominating my life.

Ive tried absolutely everything I can think of, even seeing a cosmetic surgeon to see if there was anything they could do. They basically told me that theres nothing wrong and my eyelids don’t have any excess fat that could be removed. And when i start to describe how my eyes don’t seem to have a natural glint, they just look at me with confusion.

There is something that I’ve also noticed. Before I come down with a cold or a virus, maybe sometimes 3 or 4 days before I get the first symptoms, my eyes will completely change. I will get comment after comment about how good I look and people will relate to me in a completely different way. This has led me to start researching the immune system and immune response. However, I’m struggling. Its so non specific that its hard to know what direction to go in. Ive even paid a lot of money to see a consultant immunologist who was little help, even suggesting that i had a type of body dysmorphia.

Anyway, if anyone can help me with this id be eternally grateful.