How am I supposed to feel about my family

Ive decided im going to do it today, but I dont know how not to feel like an asshole. Before, the only reason I hadnt killed myself was because if I did, then my dad would probably kill himself too. Were both probably the only reason the other is alive. That and whatever family im actually in contact with would probably be sad. I really want to do this now though cause theres pretty much no hope for my future at this point. Is it just selfish?